DEAR READERS: I THINK I AM A WOMAN

OCTOBER 26, 2008

I am a woman of many personalities. Through out my life of becoming a woman, I had many prominent men enhance my life. This enhancement from male figures really is true that many women never admit. Many women become who they are because of a bad or good influence from a man.

The first man in my life is the only man that has an honest intention. This man is my Dad. He loves me for me and that’s all to it. He wants the best for me and not for him. Long ago, he taught me that not all men think like this. Through out my years of growing into woman hood, I found out men do not really care about me. They care more of what is inside of them that needs attention.

At 22 years old, I get it Dad. This understanding is driving me to do more with my life and I know great things will come along to me. My description of men is my comparison to all people in this world. Sadly, this is true and I believe once I do it my way. I will gain the respect that I deserve and I will find a position in my life that holds the heart of my Dad.

So, how will I do this? Obviously, I already made some drastic choices like my move away to South Africa searching for the dream. In case you forgot readers, the dream is to be apart of an international dance company. Pause for the cause…I will like to go back to the checklist made long ago.

1) Permit
2) Body Image fix
3) Making Friends
4) Living Arrangements
5) Getting closer to God

In case you are wondering, I am placing getting closer to God under everything because this holds everything together for me. My faith is getting stronger but I am still doing actions that I know are not right. But…you may judge if you want. Let us not forget, this is my personal relationship with God. You know…his picking me up because he knows the place I am coming from. So….I am getting closer to him by just talking to him and I am trying to figure out incidents that happened to me in the past. If I figure it out through him, I can move forward and I will not let those incidents be my excuse for sinful acts. This is a hard process for me and I am braking down a lot. When this happens, I read my Bible.

THE BIBLE-this is the library of books and it is there for me and others. It is there for guidance of life on Earth. My God is so wonderful that he knew my need for this guidance. Also, he knew: it will be hard to follow this guidance.

So I test the waters and my temporary visiting permit to stay in South Africa is over in November. Do not worry! I am having the extension to February and I am hopefully getting it in October. This permit will be to February and until then I will decide what is next.

Currently, I am taking control of my body. Everyday, I am working out at the gym. I am following my rule not eating after 7:30pm. I am taking more dance classes and yoga. My biggest challenge is my eating habits. I love to eat but I am controlling it a lot more. I read two diet books and I put them together to make my own diet plan. This one book, Perfect: Counting Calories, it taught me the realization of my overload on calories in my body. The second of the books, Eating Right 4 Your Blood Type, it made me realize the different bodies and different blood types. This blood has traveled from our ancestors. I knew this is far fetched but it makes sense. It shows what foods are best for your body type. It just makes sense. However, I do not follow the entire book because I need to take my baby steps. Lord knows: I have learned my lesson of not following a diet but making it my life style. This life style is working for me. I am noticing a difference so I am going to see if I stick with it.

As for friends, I am making friends. My best friend here is from the townships of Alexander in South Africa. We work together for Ntsoana Contemporary Dance Theatre. In addition to working with me, he is a working actor on television and theatre. His amazing with humbleness, he is my rock here. He actually makes me not go completely crazy. I trust him because my director trusts him. And this is self assuring to me.

Until….I saw where he came from then we even became closer. Yes! I came to the townships and it is a wonderful place. Alexander, the township, is a huge place of a big family of people but you must know people to feel safe there. I felt safe because I came to the church there.

The church experience was amazing. Even if I did not know the language; I felt the Lord’s presence. The music was amazing. They had great singers and the best band. It was in this church that I visually saw the Lord’s presence everywhere in the world. Then I realized my blessing, it was my curiosity of wondering how other people live. I am very fortunate to be walking as a South African. Some people will never know this feeling because they will only know their set surroundings. They will die and never see the whole world the Lord has created for us. Personally, I could not live with that feeling but I do know some people are truly happy with that feeling.

After church, we went to my place for a braai. In the states, we call it a bar-be-que. Anyways, this braai lead for me to have a bigger braai set for this Friday. Well…..the Friday has come. So, my weekend consisted of braai and new friends. I felt like home. In fact I felt so much like home; I got home sick.

Yes! I am living the dream but I still think of the old USA. For instance, who will be my next president? Well…I do not know but I do know. I will have a say to it. Proudly, I voted by www.votingabroad.com. I read the easy directions and I faxed my vote to Broad of Registration Beaufort, South Carolina. I am mailing my hard copy vote on Monday.

I voted for change, dreams, and most of all human service. I am a college graduated with a duel Bachelor of Arts degree in dance and communications. After I graduated, I decided to work for an after school program for the less fortunate African American kids. I worked as a dance coordinator to have these kids respect their bodies. With that respect, they could inspire themselves to do anything in the world. Notice: how I said inspire self.

To do this, I had given them an African Dance Camp. You could not respect yourself without knowing your roots. As they were learning their roots, these kids had something to look forward to and that was the African Dance Concert at the end of the camp. They realized with hard work anything could happen. At the concert, they all got awards and they saw visually that their hard work was worth it.

For me to make this happen, I worked everyday for 6 weeks with the non-dancing kids. I was only required to come for 2 days of the week because that was what the budget could afford. Nevertheless, I cared more about the kids of Jacob ’s Ladder in Harstville, SC then the money. I did the same program for the Salvation Army for free in my home town of Beaufort, South Carolina. Seeing the change in the kids, it made me go to Africa to learn more about that type of dancing so I could be a better teacher. To tell you the truth, I also needed to learn more about my roots.

In truth this journey is a personal community service to enhance my country USA. The kids of the USA are screaming for a positive figure in their lives. Some people may think dance will not change anything but if you look at the ending outcome of my kids. You will know those some people are wrong. I did not go to school for nothing. So with the emotional and financial support of my parents, they are making my need of community service to these kids one day happen.

I know you are asking: why could my country help me do this enhancement of my knowledge in order to be an assistance of my community one day? To my understanding, the person I am voting for has asked the same question because he has lived through this.

He is an educated person that accepted a low paying job to serve his community. He had struggled paying bills because of his belief of bettering the community. Now! He just wants young people to have the opportunity to serve the community because in the end. We will enhance the entire USA with the physical experience not just our book knowledge.

In South Africa, I am listening to his speech on CNN while reading his book “Dreams from my father.” I think about the day I was fuelled to helping with his campaign in South Carolina at Coker College. I think about why I am still fueled to spend 300 rans to send my vote to USA. I am fueled because among my personal reason of voting for him. They are many other obvious reasons of his views on tax cuts, medical care policy, and many other things that I believe Barrack “Barry” Obama should be my next president.

His journey in life began with a dream and the rest is history. My father, the dreamer, has accomplished everything in his dreams and more. Now! My father has passed this character trait to me and I am also following my dreams.

To follow my dreams, I am going by my recent advice form my best friend here in South Africa: “Do not let the little things bother you.” You see my readers, I am strong but I take things personally. If I keep on allowing myself to do this, I will not be able to focus on my dream because I am carrying negative energy. Now! I am working on leaving that negative energy with the men that do not have a good influence on my life.