DECEMBER 22, 2008
DEAR READERS: DID YOU MISS ME? WELL…I MISSED YOU
IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I HAVE POSTED A BLOG. BUT I ASSURE YOU THAT THIS WAS NOT INTENDED TO LEAVE YOU IN THE DUST. UNFORTUNATELY I HAD NO MONEY FOR MY WIRELESS INTERNET SO I HAD TO RELY ON INTERNET CAFÉ. FACT: WIRELESS INTERNET AIRTIME IS EXPENSIVE. NOTE: IF YOU LIKE TO TRAVEL TO SOUTH AFRICA, THE INTERNET CAFE ARE VERY NICE AND CHEAPER. YOU COULD FIND THEM ANYWHERE. THAT MEANS: I COULD NOT POST MY BLOGS BECAUSE ALL THE JUICY READINGS WAS ON MY COMPUTER. YES! THIS MEANS I DID NOT FORGET YOU. EVEN IN MY ABSENCE, I HAVE BEEN WRITING. I MIGHT JUST START A LITTLE FUNDRAISER FOR PEOPLE TO HELP ME KEEP THIS BLOG GOING…..JUST JOKING OR MAYBE NOT
DECEMBER 22, 2008
MONDAY 2:00PM
DEAR READERS: WHEN YOU’RE FED UP BEING BROKE
When you’re truly fed up of being broke, the ideas start to run easily. How do I know this? Well…I just walked an hour and a half for internet café and I am going to count my pennies for 7.50R for the ride back. This walk took me a longer time today because the heat was actually unbearable. As I walked by the people blocking the sun with their umbrellas, I was sweating like crazy. I kind of understood why some people steal because I must admit the thought of grabbing the umbrella for my self had come across my mind. But hey I am not trying to complain because this torture was actually a blessing in disguise.
As my flesh was suffering, I started to rack up ideas on the future. I started thinking to myself: “how I going to make it big one day?” Then it hit me. I got to start somewhere. So I started to think of ideas of taking more action toward my goal. In case you’re not reading my blogs by date, I got a bigger goal now and it will be my company.
I have to keep my mind on success and health because those are the two things I strive for. If I doubt myself for a moment, I will get off track. So even if I am fed up being broke, this will be my mind set.
NEWS BREAK: What’s happening in SA? From ENEWS channel
-SA HAS A BIG WIN IN CRICKET AGAINST AUSTRILA
-ITS HOT
- SA HAS DONATED MONEY TO ZIMBABWE
-ITS HOT
-THE TWO POLITICAL PARITES COPE AND ANC ARE AT IT AGAIN.
-COPE is the new political party in South Africa and ANC (African National Congress). These two parities are becoming like rivals at a high school basketball game. Hey! Its politics. When I get more information, I will post it up.
DID I MENTION ITS HOT
NOW BACK TO ELSIE’S INNER EMOTIONS
Speaking of Zimbabwe, most of you probably do not know but my parents and most of my family are from there. I actually was planning to go there for Christmas to see my Grandma, Aunts, Cousins, and Uncles. Yea! It was not my plan to spend Christmas by my self but if you are not completely cut off from world. You will know that I could not possible visit Zimbabwe right now.
Does it kill my emotions? Of course it does. Especially being so close and I could not do anything about the current situation. I just pray that my family over there will be ok. I pray because I have not heard from them. So I just put it all in God’s hands.
DECEMBER 21, 2008
SUNDAY 8:20PM
DEAR READERS: PRAYER WORKS
If you read my last blog entry just below, you will read about my prayer to GOD of wanting to go to church this morning. Well Readers….he answered my prayer. After I wrote my blog entries, I went for a walk. It was a rather long walk and as I was about to turn around. I had seen a church, Rosebank Union Church. It was beautiful and inviting.
I walked in shouting: “Thank you Lord for answering my prayers” I walked even more into the church and I knew this was the church for me. I have been to many churches in South Africa and it was always something not right. I am a member of the Salvation Army Church but it was too far for me. But….the Rosebank Union Church has happened to be walking distance.
Ok! Back to my story, the church just happened to be having a carol service. It was filled with loads of Christmas songs. After the program, they ended in a teaching about Jesus’ gifts and what does he want from us.
I related to this teaching because this was my first Christmas that I finally got it. Being this was my first Christmas away from my family and friends. I did not worry about the gifts receiving or giving because they were no one to give gifts to or the other way around.
But it did not bother me that I was not getting gifts. It was because all I wanted for Christmas was to be in a church worshiping Jesus. I wanted to thank him for saving my life. Truly that was all I wanted for Christmas and I got my Christmas gift. On December 25, 2008 at 8:00am, I will be in church at Rosebank Union Church worshiping my savior.
MY PRAYER: Oh Lord! I feel that I am not worthy. But you have saved me from so much in this life showing that you love me more than I love myself. My flesh has been weak and I have giving into many temptations on Earth. But I do know that way of life does not serve me. As I walk on your path, I know it will sometimes be hard to tear away from old temptations. But I do pray that I will hold my shield against all temptations. To tell them, I will not be taking that easily because I know this path with you DOES SERVE ME BETTER. Now I am not perfect but I am holding you at my center. I am living this life that you have given me. In Jesus’ name, I pray. AMEN
AND SHE WILL HAVE A SON, AND YOU ARE TO NAME HIM JESUS, FOR HE WILL SAVE HIS PEOPLE FROM THEIR SINS. ~Matthew 1:21
DECEMBER 21, 2008
SUNDAY 2:00PM
DEAR READERS: PATIENCE
Hello Readers! Many of you know that I had come to South Africa to fulfill my dream of dancing internationally. But my true intention was self discovery. Well I have found myself. God has put me through the storm so I could see my purpose right here on Earth.
All my life, I have been giving everything a person could ever ask for. When I got to South Africa, I was stripped from physical items and I was left with myself, my faith, and my GOD. It was all I needed.
Recently I had a power shortage and my electronics was cut off. I HAD NO TELEVISION, COMPUTER, WASHER, AND ON TOP OF THAT MY PHONE GOT STOLEN. This was a big deal to me because I have no close family here. So my electronics was my way to the outside world.
However I did not fear. BECAUSE…..I put FAITH at fear’s door.
Instead I choose patience. I continued my fast and I took my silence time to read my Bible. As I read my Bible, I found fascinating stories in 1 Samuel and 2 Samuel. I did not need television because these books in the Bible were my soap operas. What better soap opera than these two books? The two books included stories about David and Jonathan’s friendship surpassing family conflict and many other obstacles. The family conflict: Saul, Jonathan’s father, was trying to kill David. The reason why Saul tried to kill David was because of his developed jealousy. When people started giving acknowledgment to David, Saul developed jealousy. They had given acknowledgment to him because of David’s faith in God. With David’s faith, David killed Goliath, a fighting Philistines champion from Gath. Goliath was like twice David’s size. The books were also filled with adultery and many wars. It was better than any movie on television.
Then I revisited my favorite book ECCLESIASTES. I love this book because of the purpose to spare future generations the bitterness of learning through their experiences that life is meaningless apart from GOD (My Student’s Life Application Study Bible). While you have god in your center, “People should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts form GOD.: (Eccles 3:13)
The next morning I read the book of Hebrews. The book of Hebrews was about the spiritual growth of a Christian. It has explained to me by asking: Are you a Baby Christian?
What does it mean by being a baby Christian? Simply a baby Christian has stayed at just drinking milk and they never allow themselves to GROW UP.
NO…. I DO NOT HAVE A NEED TO JUST DRINK MILK ALL MY LIFE.
I could stand. I could walk. I could see with both eyes. I could talk. I have a place to live. I have food. I have a great family. I have experienced REAL LOVE. I have LOVE. I have friends like David and Jonathan in the Bible. HEY DEB! I have a strong will. On top of that, I HAVE FAITH.
With that faith, I will be a mature Christian. A mature Christian has put GOD first in everything they do.
When I woke up this morning, I prayed to go to church. While my dance company has been off until January, I am low on my money income. So I do not have money for transportation to church. As I was reading my Bible this morning, I kept on coming across scriptures about going to church and worshiping with other Christians. Well….I hold in my heart faith and GOD answered my prayers.
After my electronics have been off for a week; they all turned on. So I had the opportunity to have television church. The first teaching was on fasting and miracles.
This had come to a blissful surprise to me because these teachings were exactly on mind. I am fasting at the moment and I have been praying for a MIRACLE.
My miracle has been to accomplish my dream that I had in the shower on November 26, 2008. I have taking that dream and I have put it into writing. On top of that, I have made a life board of how I picture my future. On my life board, I have posted all things that WILL come true.
In my exile to South Africa, I have found that until I respected myself fully. I could accomplish anything with my GOD at my center. It has taking me 22 years of patience to get to this point and I just feel at peace. I feel at peace because my relationship with GOD has a strong center. And I just know that he has been putting me through this storm so when I see the sunshine. It will all be worth it and I will have a great testimony to help my other Christian brothers and sisters.
This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed. Habakkuk 2:3
I AM THANKFUL FOR MY BIBLE, STUDENT’S LIFE APPLICATION BIBLE NEW LIVING TRANSLATION 2ND EDITION.
DECEMBER 19, 2008 FRIDAY 7:00PM
DEAR READERS: SOME MEN OF THE WORLD
I have traveled quite a few places such as European countries, Mozambique, the South of America, the North of America, the West of America, Mexico, and of course South Africa. In all the places, I have traveled. Some men are still the same.
Now! What do I mean by this statement? Well…..in all these places, some men are still the same on their approach to women. The approach may be in different languages but the intent of the approach has stayed the same.
As I am walking on the streets of South Africa, I go through the daily men hollering at me. I hear Kungungan, Salobia, hey sweetheart, the whistling, and the constant talking to me till I answer. In all truth, I go through the same thing in every other place that I have traveled to.
By the way, Kunganen means “hello” in Zula and Salobian means “hello” in Suto. They say both because they are not aware of what tribe that I come from.
Now! My mind has started to wonder. What are the intentions of these men? It could not possible be that they desire a date from me. If they respect themselves enough to have a descent woman in their life; they will definitely not deserve her by shouting at her. To put it in a better prospective, if you really get serious with this woman and you introduce her to your mom. Will the conversation go with you mom like this: hey mom! I will like you to meet the girl I beeped at with my car horn and now we are going to get married. That will sound really good.
NOT
Of course! These approaches do not only happen to women just taking a walk outside. Some of these men will rudely approach woman in stores or worse during exercising. Do you really think they will give you their number while their on the treadmill?
I THINK NOT.
Now! I know the approach to this issue of some men has a funny address to it. On a REAL NOTE, I am writing this because I am personally truly tried of being treating like a piece of meat. We are in a time of independent women and this does not mean that we do not have a need of marriage. Simply, we demand respect.
Unfortunately, we are being treated like meat. Now! I meant what I said about some men of the world. BUT….I must admit some men of South Africa are bolder according to my experiences.
Being bolder, this statement was not a compliment because the boldness could be quite creepy at times. THE MESSAGE TO MEN: just think if some one treated your little sister or mother like that. How will you feel?
Now! Of course I am admitting all the good men in South Africa because these men are actually the most polite men that I have meet. Unfortunately, the bad seeds of some men in South Africa are drowning out all the good dread lock guys, the business executives, the momma boys, the men I dance with in the industry, the good baby daddies, and of course the Christians that all treat their women as the Queens of the World.
SINCE some of you men decided to have taking the bolder approach. I have decided to have taking a bolder approach to protect myself. You may call me mean but I rather be mean then give into your rude approaches.
So as I continue my daily routine through South Africa, I have my ear plugs on blocking off all the Kunganes, Salobonia, the hey sweetheart, the car beeping, and etc. They are nothing but irritating sounds to me. In the end, I respect myself and I pray for you to respect yourself to.
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5
DECEMBER 11, 2008
DEAR READERS: FAITH
On May 5, 2008, I remember sitting in Hartsville, SC at my Bachelor of Arts graduation ceremony. In my mind, I began thinking to my self: “Ummmmmmmmm what is next for me?” I remember talking to my dad about attending grad school after my BA. During the conversation, we both take a look at each other and came to a realization. I am not ready to extend my education yet. After completing two Bachelor of Arts degrees, I came to be burnt out in my mind and I came in need to go seek a re-self discovery of myself. So I decide to go pursue my dream and see what happens.
As I came to the opportunity to seek my dream of being an international dancer and finding my roots in South Africa, I am also gaining so much more. I am becoming a woman and my dream is enhancing to a bigger dream.
It is becoming evident to me that the universe is already choosing my outcome. Leaving me with two choices, I can go with the universe or go against it. I decide to go with it.
Currently I am not dancing with Ntsoana because it is December. In December of South Africa, everything shouts down. It is holiday time. Personally I do not like not doing anything but I am actually seeing a positive side to this.
WHAT AM I DOING DURING MY FREE TIME?
1) RELEASE TECHNIQUE WORKSHOP WITH BENJAMIN FROM BELGIUM
-This is a workshop for professional dancers to keep training on the off season. The workshop includes yoga, release technique class, and rehearsals for shows on the weekends. I am having the opportunity to meet people in my profession even some circus artists.
-BUT! I am taking myself out of the workshop because I am watching my money. Yea! The transport money became too much for me.
-On top of that, I came to a set back because someone has talking my phone and money. Yea! I got robbed but I was not aware of it happening (what a blessing that I did not know it). SO MOM DO NOT WORRY
-Hey! It happens when you are in the city.
TO MY READERS WHO KNOW ME: Can you believe I am actually not a drama queen about this?
-When you go through a lot, some things are just more important.
2) CONTEMPORARY CLASS WITH LOCIA-CORENERGY
-For 3 months, I have been taking this class. I call it DANCE CHURCH. Locia’s is the messenger. Before ever class, the dancers and I state our value. What is value? Value is our worth. For example, if you’re an inpatient person, your value will be patient. Then you take this value and translate it through your dancing. We do this because dancing is an expression of our emotion inside.
- On some days people go through a breakthrough and they will be just crying. I go through a breakthrough everyday. This class is giving me an opportunity to really be real with myself. It also is giving me an opportunity to include positive people in my life. After ever class, I go with two of my closet friends and we discuss life. My value this week: SELF HONESTY.
3) MY BIGGER DREAM
-I am now having time to develop my own company. I am using my time off to do research on starting a small business. I promise my readers when I get my idea stable. I will share my dream of my company with you. Trust me this company is like nothing you ever heard of. It will be a good service to the world.
“THINK BIG”
So for the past weeks, I am on my active self HONESTY. I am taking the time to be the person I want to be. At the same time, I am enjoying the ride.
Today I woke up and I did my running and yoga. Then I walked up the hill by the dance company so I could go to the internet café to email my parents and work on my market research for my company. On my walk back, I had come across this girl who looked exactly like my old college roommate LaTonja. She even wore LaTonja’s favorite color, RED. I walked even more and I stopped at my old massage lady’s business, HB Health and Beauty Shop.
This lady has my religious beliefs and I enjoy talking to her. Simply she holds positive energy. She also has been making her dream into reality by starting her own business. Do I need to say more? Well…I will. When things come together in the universe, they come together. As I said before, this time I am going with it.
My discussion with HB today was about treating your body as a temple. I also mentioned to her about this free arts administration class that I am trying to get into. GUESS WHAT? By faith her sister has happened to be the Co-Executive Director of the program. Was it luck? Of course not!
I PRAYED FOR THIS. THANK YOU MY CREATOR.
On top of all this, we talked about self dedication. We covered a lot of things and I needed it. I told her “see you later” and I walked back to my place with this feeling of taking on the world.
TO MY MOM: “everything always works out” ~me
“LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE”~ THE SECRET
THE LORD ANSWERED, “IF YOU HAD FAITH EVEN AS SMALL AS A MUSTARD SEED, YOU COULD SAY TO THIS MULBERRY TREE. ‘MAY YOU BE UPROOTED AND THROWN INTO THE SEA,’ AND IT WOULD OBEY YOU! ~Luke 17:6
DECEMBER 2, 2008
APARTHEID MUSEUM
On this date, I went to The Apartheid Museum- a museum to remember the history of the past separation in South Africa. It is located in Cnr Northern Parkway and Good Reef Road, Ormonde, Johannesburg. You may email infor@apartheidmuseum.org.
I went to this museum by the request of this Belgium choreographer Benjamin. Currently I am working on a dance project with him and he brought the rest of the dancers and me to this museum to inspire choreography out of us.
As I walk through the museum, I wrote down some notes. The first thing that had caught my eye was Miriam Makeba, Mama Africa. It was her in her younger days and she made me feel a sense of hope of this life. Immediately, I saw a picture of white shirts swaying in the wind. This symbolized purity to me. In a deeper description, it was a sign of pure innocence in life.
I walked deeper into the museum as I discovered about the history about the street I am currently living on in South Africa. My street was named after a man named Jan Smuts. He was a white prime minister that was involved in inter war years 1918-1939. His history actually shocked me because my ignorance did not realize that the street I live on represented a man’s belief against my skin color.
A fraction of one of his quotes: “If there was to equal manhood suffrage the whites would be swamped all over South Africa by the blacks and the whole position for which the whites have striven for two hundred years or more would be given up.”
I walked even deeper into the museum. I saw pictures of starving children sleeping in the streets. I read quotes like:
“When the Europeans came, they had the Bible and we had the land. Now we have the Bible, and they have our land.”
As I walked even deeper into the museum, I could not help but feel pain. I could not help but feel struggle. I continue to feel this struggle and pain throughout my ENTIRE body. Even more so I felt the separation. As a nation, I still feel that separation within us to this day.
Yet in my belief, we are one people that come from one creator. We all come from one father. This father has the only power to judge us. I wondered what made some people think they had that power to judge blacks. WE ARE ONE PEOPLE. WE ARE ALL BROTHERS AND SISTERS OF THE SAME FORCE.
I walked deeper into the ending of the museum. I was left with one quote:
“To be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” ~ Nelson Mandela
DECEMBER 6, 2008
YOU CONTROL YOUR OWN DESTINY
I am going to be working at this place, “BUSH.” Get this! Bush is a Rhodesian PUB/RESTAURANT.
FACT: When Zimbabwe was colonized by the British, they called it Rhodesia.
Well this is the place that I hang out at and I love it. Until hanging out there for a couple of days, I realize the foundation of BUSH being my Zimbabwean culture. Can you say my creator works in miraculous ways? I love it there because the people are just so nice to each other. It does not even matter the color of your skin, your income status, or even if you’re just UGLY according to who ever thinks that they are superior. All that that matters is the person you bring to the PUB/RESTAURANT. Believe it or not: there are NOT many places like this anymore.
“PEOPLE CRITIZE BECAUSE THEY CRITIZE THEMSELVES”
On one particular day, I began looking around “BUSH” and I began noticing people my age group. They include within themselves ambitions. But what are they doing to make those ambitions come true? Hell! What am I doing to make my ambitions come true?
Then I realize that I actually include a lot of ambitions in me. This can be dangerous. So I am finally starting to write my ambitions down.
1) Get closer to God
2) Create my own company
3) Learn different African Dance Styles
4) Get my masters degree
5) Be a healthier me
Then I ask myself how I am going to accomplish my ambitions. It will take work. But with my God at my center, I am focus on my main goal of creating my own company. Yes! I do know the universe is already in decision of my outcome.
But in the mean time, my creator is giving me the opportunity to figure it all out and I must instill the courage to listen for my way. When you are try to force things to happen, it becomes rough on the soul. So at least I am having some thing to drive me and I will just enjoy the ride for now.
“SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE ENGERY BY GOOD PEOPLE, BOOKS, AND PRAYER” ~me
As I am walking out of the BUSH, I take one good look around. I say to myself, “I will not sit around waiting for things to happen in my life and I will not blame anyone or anything for my failure.” The universe is holding a great purpose for me.
“YOU CONTROL YOUR OWN DESTINY”
What do I mean by that quote? It is simple. People’s thoughts can destroy or make their destiny. For example, Donald Trump’s main thought is wealth. Weather he realizes or not, his thought of wealth drives him to his destiny in life. He never questions it. When he lost it all, he still came back to his destiny in life. As I listen to some famous people’s stories on television, I notice that everything in their life lead them to their success. They actually allow themselves to go through life and just let the natural process happen. For me I am having no regrets in life; I know that things happen for a reason.
“In your past fuck up things happen to you, we are all just rebellion.” ~FROM SOME MOVIE
LET ALL WHO ARE SPIRTUALLY MATURE AGREE ON THESE THINGS. IF YOU DISAGREE ON SOME POINT, I BELIEVE GOD WILL MAKE IT PLAIN TO
MADE. ~Philippians 4:15
NOVEMER 25, 2008
DEAR READERS: WHAT IS HAPPENING IN SA? The highlights of SA right now!
*MIBIARM MAKEBA
For the past days, Africa has been morning for the late music icon Mibiarm Makeba also known as Mama Africa. Personally, Mama Africa has influenced me when I first heard her in Simon’s African concert video. Her voice literally shot through my soul because I could feel her realism. In fact I always listened to her when I was choreographing a piece.
Now my icon has passed away but I am even more inspired. Simply she lived a rich life. She did everything dreamt of.
HER BIO
Mibiarm Makeba was born on March 4, 1932 (my birthday month) in Johannesburg South Africa. She was banned into exile by South African government in 1960. After exile, she went to America. She did not even get to go to her mother’s funeral. In 1965, she was the 1st Black African to win a Grammy Award.
Mibiarm Makeba was named: “darling of the American public”
At the request of Nelson Mandela, she returned to South Africa in 1990. This occurred after 31 years of being out of her country.
*PRESIDENTAL ELECTION
Currently, South Africa is going through a presidential election. They are many political parities such as NP, PAC and ANC. All I know so far, Jacob Zuma, the running mate for ANC (African National Congress). His nickname, Jay Z was given by the young people that I know here.
RUGBY
It is kind of like football. Yes! I know by saying this will offend some fans of both sports but it’s the only example in my mind.
South Africa Springboks – the rugby team for South Africa
They won against England. This was a big win.
NOVEMBER 25, 2008
DEAR READERS: WHAT DID YOU SAY? AMERICAN TERMS-SOUTH AFRICAN TERMS
When I arrived to South Africa, I realized quickly my American way of speaking was completely different from South African way of speaking ENGLISH. So in the past few months, I have learned South African terminology of certain words/customs. On the flip side, my friends here have learned my way of speaking. Slowly we are eliminating the question: What did you say? Also my readers please remember I am a southern girl:
AMERICAN
SOUTH AFRICA
TEXT
SMS
W-A-E-R
water
DRAG OF A CIG
SKYFE
COOKIE
BISCUIT
BUTT
BUM
RESTROOM
TIOLET
WE LOVE FOOTBALL
THEY LOVE RUGBY
FRIES
CHIPS
Monday, December 22, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
DEAR READERS: POSITIVE THOUGHTS ATTRACT POSITIVITY
NOVEMBER 16, 2008
“You’ve come to this juncture in your life, merely because something in YOU kept saying, “You deserve to be happy.” YOU were born to add something, to add value to this world. To simply be something, bigger, and better than YOU were yesterday.” ~Lisa Nichols
Heading back to my place, I was walking slowly and I was breathing even slower. As I reached my place of rest, I just laid my head down and I slept. I woke up feeling lost in my mind and I just knew that I needed a change.
All week, I have been recognizing my blessings but also my emotions going from high to low. Maybe the reason being, I am unconsciously worshiping my God on my convenience. What do I mean by this? Simply, I seem to come to him most when I am in trouble. Well…you already know this may have some consequences. In the end, this has physically and emotionally drained me. Simply when I come to him, I come to him with my negative and I forget to discuss my positive aspects in my life. Then I just do it my way sometimes. Well of course the smart thing to do will just fully commit my life to God and just trust him. This really will be a sensible solution because I already know that worshiping him on my convenience has just not quite worked out. Even if this sensible solution has made sense in my mind, it happened to be an easier said than done.
As I recognize my blessings, I do ask now why God has chosen me for this goodness in my life. I asked myself this because I do not feel deserving. Then I asked myself, what has God saved me for to do in this life?
Then I realized it has taking my life’s experiences to even come to this point of asking questions. At least I realized now that I worship by my convenience. One last question to me what I am going to do?
First I recognized this place of questions before and I have learned my incapability of going through this alone. So I must find the right church for me. I n this day and age, this could be difficult. Most importantly, I must stop putting unwanted things in my body of self medication of not filling full. I must start feeing myself with God’s word.
I know what you’re thinking my readers. Oh! This will not be easy. But I am learning life is not easy. So I chase after the quote: “YOU control your own destiny.”
I pray for God to show me what he has saved me for to do in this life. Then I realized that’s it! He has given me the opportunity to find out and now I must take that opportunity. Thank you South Africa for given me a new vibe to figure all this out of my self discovery.
“You’ve come to this juncture in your life, merely because something in YOU kept saying, “You deserve to be happy.” YOU were born to add something, to add value to this world. To simply be something, bigger, and better than YOU were yesterday.” ~Lisa Nichols
Heading back to my place, I was walking slowly and I was breathing even slower. As I reached my place of rest, I just laid my head down and I slept. I woke up feeling lost in my mind and I just knew that I needed a change.
All week, I have been recognizing my blessings but also my emotions going from high to low. Maybe the reason being, I am unconsciously worshiping my God on my convenience. What do I mean by this? Simply, I seem to come to him most when I am in trouble. Well…you already know this may have some consequences. In the end, this has physically and emotionally drained me. Simply when I come to him, I come to him with my negative and I forget to discuss my positive aspects in my life. Then I just do it my way sometimes. Well of course the smart thing to do will just fully commit my life to God and just trust him. This really will be a sensible solution because I already know that worshiping him on my convenience has just not quite worked out. Even if this sensible solution has made sense in my mind, it happened to be an easier said than done.
As I recognize my blessings, I do ask now why God has chosen me for this goodness in my life. I asked myself this because I do not feel deserving. Then I asked myself, what has God saved me for to do in this life?
Then I realized it has taking my life’s experiences to even come to this point of asking questions. At least I realized now that I worship by my convenience. One last question to me what I am going to do?
First I recognized this place of questions before and I have learned my incapability of going through this alone. So I must find the right church for me. I n this day and age, this could be difficult. Most importantly, I must stop putting unwanted things in my body of self medication of not filling full. I must start feeing myself with God’s word.
I know what you’re thinking my readers. Oh! This will not be easy. But I am learning life is not easy. So I chase after the quote: “YOU control your own destiny.”
I pray for God to show me what he has saved me for to do in this life. Then I realized that’s it! He has given me the opportunity to find out and now I must take that opportunity. Thank you South Africa for given me a new vibe to figure all this out of my self discovery.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
DEAR READERS: MY FAMILY IN SOUTH AFRICA
NOVEMBER 12, 2008
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FAMILY- Family denotes a group of people affiliated by consanguinity, affinity, or co-residence. Although the concept of consanguinity originally referred to relations by "blood," many anthropologists have argued that one must understand the notion of "blood" metaphorically, and that many societies understand 'family' through other concepts rather than through genetic distance. (www.wikapediaencylopedia)
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As I arrived in South Africa, I realized my family here picked me up as I was down in emotions. It was not my blood related family. It was my family by choice.
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MEET MY FATHER (artistic director Sello Pesa)
He was the only one that knew my intentions in South Africa. When I am in deep trouble; I go to him. And he has given me advice to only guide me through. But like all my parents he has to let me go to figure it out on my own.
MEET MY MOTHER (mother of the church)
She actually has many children amongst me. She has the blessing of being the mother of the church in Alexander’s townships.
In South Africa, the term township usually refers to the (often underdeveloped) urban living areas that, under Apartheid, were reserved for non-whites (principally black Africans and Coloureds, but also working class Indians). Townships were usually built on the periphery of towns and cities. (http://www.wikipediaencyclopedia.com/)
In addition to visiting mama, I often go to the townships to visit my best friend.
MEET MY BEST FRIEND- (work mate of dance company)
We met at the company that I dance at in South Africa. When I am down in emotions, his my self confidence, my drive, but most of all his made me feel at home in South Africa. He has welcomed me into his family, friends, and life. In fact, he was the one who introduced me to mama.
His my tour guide especially my tour guide of the taxis. In fact, the taxi drivers have become my brothers.
MEET MY BROTHERS-(the taxi drivers)
Like all siblings, we have a love/hate relationship. Before I knew the signs to stop the taxi drivers, they all use to wave at me and smile. They will tease me and just leave me. They were making me stronger because no brother has a need for their sister to be a sissy. When I finally figured it out, I realized the taxi drivers actually helping me with getting around. Also, I had sat in front one day and you know what that means. It was my job to distribute the taxi driver’s money to the passengers. Well, I messed up that day and I had come up short by 11 rans. I had felt awful and I tried given my own money to the driver, my brother. He had just smiled and he said, “NO”.
MEET MY FAMILY BY MARRIAGE- (the rest of South African people)
They are my extended family. In South Africa, the people here generally care about each other but they are also just trying to survive themselves. As I rode back home from Johannesburg City, I watched the people around me. Oh! In case you forgot, I am in the Gauteng providence in Craighall. Ok! back to what I was talking about. I actually stretched my head out to watch this driver in a BMW give their food to a beggar.
Oh! My reason for coming back from Johannesburg City was dance. Yea! I have been traveling back and forward everyday for this audition dance workshop. The audition was for this dance project in Germany. I had made it through the first cut but I did not make it through for the entire project. But I was still happy because I actually made it through the first cut. Hey! Maybe Germany was not for me. But I was still able to attend the rest of the workshop for classes.
I love attending the classes because the dancers and I had a chance to talk about our emotions. I found out the rest of the dancers were feeling the same insecurities about dance as I was. The talk had enlightened me. And I made new friends out it.
At the moment, I am counting my blessings and I am realizing my better days of hope. With my new family, I am making new friends, working out, reading more, working on bad eating habits. And of course……I am dancing my heart out. In fact, I am finding the movement with in me. Could you say choreographer in the making? Hold up! I know one dream at a time.
“YOU should control your own destiny.”
******************************************************************************************************************
FAMILY- Family denotes a group of people affiliated by consanguinity, affinity, or co-residence. Although the concept of consanguinity originally referred to relations by "blood," many anthropologists have argued that one must understand the notion of "blood" metaphorically, and that many societies understand 'family' through other concepts rather than through genetic distance. (www.wikapediaencylopedia)
*****************************************************************************************************************
As I arrived in South Africa, I realized my family here picked me up as I was down in emotions. It was not my blood related family. It was my family by choice.
*******************************************************************************************************************
MEET MY FATHER (artistic director Sello Pesa)
He was the only one that knew my intentions in South Africa. When I am in deep trouble; I go to him. And he has given me advice to only guide me through. But like all my parents he has to let me go to figure it out on my own.
MEET MY MOTHER (mother of the church)
She actually has many children amongst me. She has the blessing of being the mother of the church in Alexander’s townships.
In South Africa, the term township usually refers to the (often underdeveloped) urban living areas that, under Apartheid, were reserved for non-whites (principally black Africans and Coloureds, but also working class Indians). Townships were usually built on the periphery of towns and cities. (http://www.wikipediaencyclopedia.com/)
In addition to visiting mama, I often go to the townships to visit my best friend.
MEET MY BEST FRIEND- (work mate of dance company)
We met at the company that I dance at in South Africa. When I am down in emotions, his my self confidence, my drive, but most of all his made me feel at home in South Africa. He has welcomed me into his family, friends, and life. In fact, he was the one who introduced me to mama.
His my tour guide especially my tour guide of the taxis. In fact, the taxi drivers have become my brothers.
MEET MY BROTHERS-(the taxi drivers)
Like all siblings, we have a love/hate relationship. Before I knew the signs to stop the taxi drivers, they all use to wave at me and smile. They will tease me and just leave me. They were making me stronger because no brother has a need for their sister to be a sissy. When I finally figured it out, I realized the taxi drivers actually helping me with getting around. Also, I had sat in front one day and you know what that means. It was my job to distribute the taxi driver’s money to the passengers. Well, I messed up that day and I had come up short by 11 rans. I had felt awful and I tried given my own money to the driver, my brother. He had just smiled and he said, “NO”.
MEET MY FAMILY BY MARRIAGE- (the rest of South African people)
They are my extended family. In South Africa, the people here generally care about each other but they are also just trying to survive themselves. As I rode back home from Johannesburg City, I watched the people around me. Oh! In case you forgot, I am in the Gauteng providence in Craighall. Ok! back to what I was talking about. I actually stretched my head out to watch this driver in a BMW give their food to a beggar.
Oh! My reason for coming back from Johannesburg City was dance. Yea! I have been traveling back and forward everyday for this audition dance workshop. The audition was for this dance project in Germany. I had made it through the first cut but I did not make it through for the entire project. But I was still happy because I actually made it through the first cut. Hey! Maybe Germany was not for me. But I was still able to attend the rest of the workshop for classes.
I love attending the classes because the dancers and I had a chance to talk about our emotions. I found out the rest of the dancers were feeling the same insecurities about dance as I was. The talk had enlightened me. And I made new friends out it.
At the moment, I am counting my blessings and I am realizing my better days of hope. With my new family, I am making new friends, working out, reading more, working on bad eating habits. And of course……I am dancing my heart out. In fact, I am finding the movement with in me. Could you say choreographer in the making? Hold up! I know one dream at a time.
“YOU should control your own destiny.”
Saturday, November 8, 2008
DEAR READERS: A LETTER FROM VOTING ABROAD
Since November 5, 2008, I have been having better days because I have been experiencing days of hope. Also, I am not the only one. My current home country South Africa has an uplifting spirit of hope because they are sharing the victory with my country USA. The victory has to do with the USA chosing the right choice of our new president Obama. I am feeling so good that I was a part of that. The following letter was from voting abroad:
Dear Elsie,
We made it happen – by electing Barack Obama and Joe Biden, and by electing Democrats across the country, from around the world.
Most importantly, you made it happen!
You are the volunteer who registered countless voters. You are the help desk for VoteFromAbroad.org. You are the caller to hundreds of voters in swing states. You are the person who helped form a new committee of Democrats Abroad in one of nine countries around the world. You are the backbone of your country committee, from the Global Primary to Election Day events. You are the team that has kept our members informed and engaged, participated in debates, held training sessions, opened your home for events, and didn’t stop. You are the person who donated your talent, your expertise, your time, your money. You are the voter who helped make it happen.
You are our oldest voter, a 106-year old nun in Rome who looks to a President who is able to govern. You are a Marine veteran in New Zealand who inspired your family to vote Obama. You are a first-time voter in Paris who helped spread the word in our 'Where on Earth Will You Vote' video. You are a voter from DA – Afghanistan, our 44th country committee, voting for the 44th President of the United States. You are a voter who took the overnight bus to Sao Paulo to get your ballot couriered just in time. You are the voter who made sure your vote counted this year. You are the voter who made the difference.
We voted from virtually every country around the world, in every state across America – and D.C. We voted overwhelmingly from countries with committees in place to get out the vote. We voted from military bases in bigger numbers than ever before, we voted in more countries than ever before. First-time voters cast ten times more votes than ever before. We voted the official ballot, we voted the write-in ballot, we voted by mail, by diplomatic pouch, by express mail. We voted and won in a number of highlighted battleground states: in Colorado, Florida, Indiana, Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota, New Hampshire, Nevada, New Mexico, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia and Wisconsin. And we helped make it happen. (Although North Carolina remains undetermined at this writing.)
In Barack Obama, we have a President-elect who brings a depth of understanding to the challenges Americans – both at home and abroad – face today. A leader committed to reengaging with the rest of the world, disengaging from Iraq and restoring our global reputation. A leader who understands that our economy is not only in crisis but impacts worldwide markets.
But there are no easy solutions to these challenges. And we won’t be able to meet them head on unless we are once again a united America. But today we can look to the future and to leadership that works for and with all Americans, wherever we call home.
Today, I know we are all thankful that we could participate in this historic election and take our country in a new direction.
Thank you for making it happen,
Christine
Christine Schon Marques
International Chair, Democrats Abroad
Dear Elsie,
We made it happen – by electing Barack Obama and Joe Biden, and by electing Democrats across the country, from around the world.
Most importantly, you made it happen!
You are the volunteer who registered countless voters. You are the help desk for VoteFromAbroad.org. You are the caller to hundreds of voters in swing states. You are the person who helped form a new committee of Democrats Abroad in one of nine countries around the world. You are the backbone of your country committee, from the Global Primary to Election Day events. You are the team that has kept our members informed and engaged, participated in debates, held training sessions, opened your home for events, and didn’t stop. You are the person who donated your talent, your expertise, your time, your money. You are the voter who helped make it happen.
You are our oldest voter, a 106-year old nun in Rome who looks to a President who is able to govern. You are a Marine veteran in New Zealand who inspired your family to vote Obama. You are a first-time voter in Paris who helped spread the word in our 'Where on Earth Will You Vote' video. You are a voter from DA – Afghanistan, our 44th country committee, voting for the 44th President of the United States. You are a voter who took the overnight bus to Sao Paulo to get your ballot couriered just in time. You are the voter who made sure your vote counted this year. You are the voter who made the difference.
We voted from virtually every country around the world, in every state across America – and D.C. We voted overwhelmingly from countries with committees in place to get out the vote. We voted from military bases in bigger numbers than ever before, we voted in more countries than ever before. First-time voters cast ten times more votes than ever before. We voted the official ballot, we voted the write-in ballot, we voted by mail, by diplomatic pouch, by express mail. We voted and won in a number of highlighted battleground states: in Colorado, Florida, Indiana, Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota, New Hampshire, Nevada, New Mexico, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia and Wisconsin. And we helped make it happen. (Although North Carolina remains undetermined at this writing.)
In Barack Obama, we have a President-elect who brings a depth of understanding to the challenges Americans – both at home and abroad – face today. A leader committed to reengaging with the rest of the world, disengaging from Iraq and restoring our global reputation. A leader who understands that our economy is not only in crisis but impacts worldwide markets.
But there are no easy solutions to these challenges. And we won’t be able to meet them head on unless we are once again a united America. But today we can look to the future and to leadership that works for and with all Americans, wherever we call home.
Today, I know we are all thankful that we could participate in this historic election and take our country in a new direction.
Thank you for making it happen,
Christine
Christine Schon Marques
International Chair, Democrats Abroad
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
DEAR READERS:ELECTION DAY: I AM A LUCKY GIRL BUT I AM NOT LIVING THE GLAMOUR LIFE.
NOVEMBER 4, 2008
In my opinion,this year's presidential election of America is the biggest election in history. It is about change and the American dream coming true. My blog reflects living the dream with conflicts.
***********************************************************************************************
I had come from good parents. I went to good private schools in both high school and college. Big Ups to Coker College! All my life, my parents had given me the world. They did this because they actually followed the role of being a parent and beyond. Most of all, they are giving me support to follow my dreams.
My dream was to be famous with a purpose. I decided long ago to be a part of an international dance company. I went through the audition process with fear in my heart. But I was not going to ask myself one day "What if?"
I did what it took to make my dream come true. I decided to dance in South Africa. I wanted to learn more about African Contemporary dance. I was driven to do this when I was teaching my black students dance in South Carolina. Notice! I said I decided because no one was going to chose my destiny.
When I graduated from college, I took this teaching job in the summer and I was only being paid $500.00 and my rent was $250.00 a month. Also, I was getting paid at the end of the summer. So my parents had supported me financially in food and rent.
At the end of the summer, I had held an African Dance Concert for my black students. My father had come to see it. It was important for him to see it because he was sharing a part of my passion. After the concert, I talked to my Dad and I discussed with him my dream of dancing in South Africa.
Initially I wanted to go to Zimbabwe because I have more family there. However Zimbabwe was going through some things. So I decided my best bet was to head to South Africa. I was driven by my students that I teach because I saw in their eyes how much they strive to know about their ancestor’s culture. It was the same look I had in my eyes at their age. So in order for me to teach them more I had to know more. I had to physically go to live, breath, eat African Contemporary Dance. My dream started as dancing for a international dance company and it had become into dancing international with the purpose of searching for my inner self.
So I had contacted my South African professor and I had asked him to help me. He did everything for me in the dance sense because I only asked him just for that. Also I had worked out my details of where I am going to stay and how I am going to get there. I felt stable going to another country of people who I did not know but I had no idea how hard it was going to be.
I live positively and I try to look for the good in everything. At this moment, I just can not take it some things. I got to South Africa and I had a warm welcome until I moved into my permanent home with X and my reality had come to life. It was impossible to live with X. She degraded everything about me until I could not handle it any more. Here I was away from everything I know because of my purpose of learning more about what I do. X had read my diary and I moved out. Then I lived with Z and I knew this was not permanent but it was a breath of fresh air.
However…the distance to the dance studio was a full hour.
I had to travel by mini taxis to the dance studio. I had to figure out the best route to get me there and I got lost many times. I did get traumatized traveling by taxis but I believe God was watching me. Simply I was a girl traveling to a non familiar place and it was a nightmare. I do not know the language and people do not understand me. I often felt their voice through my body as they kept screaming to me “WHAT?” However, I soon got use to my route and I had better travels.
When I left to Mozambique and I had no idea where I was going to be staying when I get back to Joburg. But I had to just enjoy touring in Mozambique but I still had what is next in my mind. When I got back from Mozambique, I knew I had enough money for food but not for rent.
When I got back Z got an apartment for me but my roommate was going to be a guy. Yea! So I knew that was not happening. So I continued paying 60 rans to travel back and forward to the dance studio. Finally I had found an apartment for 7500 rans and I could not afford it. Obviously it was because I just graduated. So my parents had agreed to pay just for that. I am on my own for the rest.
So why do I have money issues? Just like everything in the world, you have to start from some where. I am in the training development program for the company. The money that I have saved up; it all goes to my extending permit fines.
While I am on my very expensive self discovery, I am on a temporary visiting permit so I will have the opportunity to explore this dancing and find my true roots. Did I mention that my late grandmother’s roots come from South Africa? Well…yea its true. Anyways…the permit is holding for only 3 months and I realized that I need to stay longer. But…I do not know how to do this.
So I just extended it again and it cost a fortunate.
In fact, South Africa is expensive sometimes. Currently, I am a broke 22 years old gal whose parents still support her. I am lucky to be following my dream but I am not living the glamour life.
I do not have money. I do not know the language so I walk around just listening to sounds all day. Then I remember my kids faces and how I want to keep my promise to them. My promise of learning everything about African Contemporary Dance and I will open my own company for them and others to have a positive hobby to do. A hobby that could become a serious career. You see..I always wanted to do something with a purpose and I believe this could be done by starting in the beginning with the kids. Kids should respect their bodies. When they respect their bodies, they will respect themselves and I believe this could be done through dance.
For my parents, I love them so much because they do not have any money. They are just middle class parents with one child in college and the other following a dream. A dream that does not pay much. But…I am gaining so much here. I am gaining my self. The dancing I do has made me connect to my body and I could not describe what a better dancer and person I am.
One day I know I could award my parents for all the hardships they are going through because of me. I love them for continuing to support me because they believe in my dream.
To tell you the truth, I know this situation has to change because I just can’t live like this. I love dance but I can not let it destroy me. Unfortunately, the world is cruel to artist.
Right Now! I am a lucky girl living my dream but this dream has extreme consequences. So I am not living the glamour life. Dear God! I got less than 500 rans in my pocket. Please! God do not think I am going back on my prayer to you about becoming a part of a international dance company. I am just stating that some things must change. I am better than this.
As I talk about dreams coming true, the people I know in South Africa are cheering for Obama. They are just as excited as me. As of right now, the American Society holding a Obama Party in South Africa but I could not attend because I do not travel on taxis this late. One day I will meet the American Society and maybe things will be better for me in terms of my unanswered questions.
In end, Dance is everything to me because it is the only thing that can not be given. I am exposing my outer and inner self to the world. This makes me face my fears and most importantly it makes me see the meaning of life. How? by making me know my self.
“If it is easy, it is not worth it”
In my opinion,this year's presidential election of America is the biggest election in history. It is about change and the American dream coming true. My blog reflects living the dream with conflicts.
***********************************************************************************************
I had come from good parents. I went to good private schools in both high school and college. Big Ups to Coker College! All my life, my parents had given me the world. They did this because they actually followed the role of being a parent and beyond. Most of all, they are giving me support to follow my dreams.
My dream was to be famous with a purpose. I decided long ago to be a part of an international dance company. I went through the audition process with fear in my heart. But I was not going to ask myself one day "What if?"
I did what it took to make my dream come true. I decided to dance in South Africa. I wanted to learn more about African Contemporary dance. I was driven to do this when I was teaching my black students dance in South Carolina. Notice! I said I decided because no one was going to chose my destiny.
When I graduated from college, I took this teaching job in the summer and I was only being paid $500.00 and my rent was $250.00 a month. Also, I was getting paid at the end of the summer. So my parents had supported me financially in food and rent.
At the end of the summer, I had held an African Dance Concert for my black students. My father had come to see it. It was important for him to see it because he was sharing a part of my passion. After the concert, I talked to my Dad and I discussed with him my dream of dancing in South Africa.
Initially I wanted to go to Zimbabwe because I have more family there. However Zimbabwe was going through some things. So I decided my best bet was to head to South Africa. I was driven by my students that I teach because I saw in their eyes how much they strive to know about their ancestor’s culture. It was the same look I had in my eyes at their age. So in order for me to teach them more I had to know more. I had to physically go to live, breath, eat African Contemporary Dance. My dream started as dancing for a international dance company and it had become into dancing international with the purpose of searching for my inner self.
So I had contacted my South African professor and I had asked him to help me. He did everything for me in the dance sense because I only asked him just for that. Also I had worked out my details of where I am going to stay and how I am going to get there. I felt stable going to another country of people who I did not know but I had no idea how hard it was going to be.
I live positively and I try to look for the good in everything. At this moment, I just can not take it some things. I got to South Africa and I had a warm welcome until I moved into my permanent home with X and my reality had come to life. It was impossible to live with X. She degraded everything about me until I could not handle it any more. Here I was away from everything I know because of my purpose of learning more about what I do. X had read my diary and I moved out. Then I lived with Z and I knew this was not permanent but it was a breath of fresh air.
However…the distance to the dance studio was a full hour.
I had to travel by mini taxis to the dance studio. I had to figure out the best route to get me there and I got lost many times. I did get traumatized traveling by taxis but I believe God was watching me. Simply I was a girl traveling to a non familiar place and it was a nightmare. I do not know the language and people do not understand me. I often felt their voice through my body as they kept screaming to me “WHAT?” However, I soon got use to my route and I had better travels.
When I left to Mozambique and I had no idea where I was going to be staying when I get back to Joburg. But I had to just enjoy touring in Mozambique but I still had what is next in my mind. When I got back from Mozambique, I knew I had enough money for food but not for rent.
When I got back Z got an apartment for me but my roommate was going to be a guy. Yea! So I knew that was not happening. So I continued paying 60 rans to travel back and forward to the dance studio. Finally I had found an apartment for 7500 rans and I could not afford it. Obviously it was because I just graduated. So my parents had agreed to pay just for that. I am on my own for the rest.
So why do I have money issues? Just like everything in the world, you have to start from some where. I am in the training development program for the company. The money that I have saved up; it all goes to my extending permit fines.
While I am on my very expensive self discovery, I am on a temporary visiting permit so I will have the opportunity to explore this dancing and find my true roots. Did I mention that my late grandmother’s roots come from South Africa? Well…yea its true. Anyways…the permit is holding for only 3 months and I realized that I need to stay longer. But…I do not know how to do this.
So I just extended it again and it cost a fortunate.
In fact, South Africa is expensive sometimes. Currently, I am a broke 22 years old gal whose parents still support her. I am lucky to be following my dream but I am not living the glamour life.
I do not have money. I do not know the language so I walk around just listening to sounds all day. Then I remember my kids faces and how I want to keep my promise to them. My promise of learning everything about African Contemporary Dance and I will open my own company for them and others to have a positive hobby to do. A hobby that could become a serious career. You see..I always wanted to do something with a purpose and I believe this could be done by starting in the beginning with the kids. Kids should respect their bodies. When they respect their bodies, they will respect themselves and I believe this could be done through dance.
For my parents, I love them so much because they do not have any money. They are just middle class parents with one child in college and the other following a dream. A dream that does not pay much. But…I am gaining so much here. I am gaining my self. The dancing I do has made me connect to my body and I could not describe what a better dancer and person I am.
One day I know I could award my parents for all the hardships they are going through because of me. I love them for continuing to support me because they believe in my dream.
To tell you the truth, I know this situation has to change because I just can’t live like this. I love dance but I can not let it destroy me. Unfortunately, the world is cruel to artist.
Right Now! I am a lucky girl living my dream but this dream has extreme consequences. So I am not living the glamour life. Dear God! I got less than 500 rans in my pocket. Please! God do not think I am going back on my prayer to you about becoming a part of a international dance company. I am just stating that some things must change. I am better than this.
As I talk about dreams coming true, the people I know in South Africa are cheering for Obama. They are just as excited as me. As of right now, the American Society holding a Obama Party in South Africa but I could not attend because I do not travel on taxis this late. One day I will meet the American Society and maybe things will be better for me in terms of my unanswered questions.
In end, Dance is everything to me because it is the only thing that can not be given. I am exposing my outer and inner self to the world. This makes me face my fears and most importantly it makes me see the meaning of life. How? by making me know my self.
“If it is easy, it is not worth it”
Monday, November 3, 2008
DEAR READERS: my mind connects to my body
NOVEMBER 3, 2008
About a year ago, my physical trainer told me” “your about to put your body on display to the whole world.” At the time, I was a driven senior college student trying to loss weight for my final dance show. My physical trainer not only had taught me how to workout but he had taught me how to tap into my feelings. I needed this guidance because I was also preparing my mind and body to audition for dance companies. Who knew that it will be a dance company in South Africa? Honestly, I did not.
You see anyone who knows me. They know I am always on a diet. I put myself on diets because through my life I developed a food fixation. My food fixation developed by me not feeling full. There are many reasons why I feel this way and I just do not need to rekindle those reasons. Let me just say: Thank God! I am an active person or I will be huge as a house. I do know the battle within myself that I always have to control. Well…they say the first step will be to claim it. So I claimed it. Now I ask myself what am I going to do about it?
Well…I guess I should admit some things. I do know this: I have a lot of quiet time to myself lately and my fixation has come back. Simply I have nothing else to do. My fixation could be best explained by eating foods that I know are not good for my body.
You see readers; these are the things that I think about as a dancer. Being a dancer, it consisted of me allowing myself to give my complete being to the audience. Easy said then done. After many years of dancing, you think I will be use to this already.
Well…not really. In order for me to do this, I really have to look myself in the mirror and I have to make a conscious choice to tap into the real me.
At this point, I know you may be sympathizing but I know your wondering. What brought up all this? It was my workshop audition for the Germany tour AT DRILL HALL IN JOBURG CITY.
Pause for the cause...this morning I was there early at the location and I was right in front of the building but I had no idea which room. I walked around while men where hollaring "sissy" to me until I found some obvious dancers. You know men are the same everywhere; they will always try to hollar at the ladies. Ok! I am pressing PLAY. This workshop audition consists of classes for 2 weeks and then they pick 5 dancers to go Germany. After the first week, they are cutting out dancers for the next week’s round of audition. As I took a look around, I realized that I was one of the better in shape girls. It was like all this time I was judging myself too hard.
Now all I am going to concentrate on trusting in myself and I am going to finally not judge myself too hard.
I am doing this more because I did it in the audition workshop today. I started to dance freely because I was not worried about my body image to the world. My trainer was right about tapping into my emotions first before I even start to work out my body.
I miss my trainer so much and I do sometimes hear his harsh voice as I work out now.
My body is on display to the world but I do not need to worry about it to the extreme. My reason for my sanity is because my mind is getting in tune with my body. If my mind is in tune with my body, I will not want to destroy it with unhealthy food. For all you non dancers out there, I advice you take a dance class because the force of looking at yourself in that giant mirror really allows you to be in touch with your whole being. (OK! I know that was not a strong sentence but you get the point)
So, I finally said it all. Obviously, I am not perfect and I am glad you know that now. Frankly, I feel better.
All in all, my day was wonderful. The audition went well and I am looking forward to dancing for the whole week. Also, I am ready to watch the elections tomorrow and I am hoping to get my second opportunity at this bar.
In this blog posting, I brought out a lot of things and I know this will help me with my issues of my fixation.
“BEAUTY IS YOUR ETERNITY GAZING AT YOU THROUGH THE MIRROR”-think about it
About a year ago, my physical trainer told me” “your about to put your body on display to the whole world.” At the time, I was a driven senior college student trying to loss weight for my final dance show. My physical trainer not only had taught me how to workout but he had taught me how to tap into my feelings. I needed this guidance because I was also preparing my mind and body to audition for dance companies. Who knew that it will be a dance company in South Africa? Honestly, I did not.
You see anyone who knows me. They know I am always on a diet. I put myself on diets because through my life I developed a food fixation. My food fixation developed by me not feeling full. There are many reasons why I feel this way and I just do not need to rekindle those reasons. Let me just say: Thank God! I am an active person or I will be huge as a house. I do know the battle within myself that I always have to control. Well…they say the first step will be to claim it. So I claimed it. Now I ask myself what am I going to do about it?
Well…I guess I should admit some things. I do know this: I have a lot of quiet time to myself lately and my fixation has come back. Simply I have nothing else to do. My fixation could be best explained by eating foods that I know are not good for my body.
You see readers; these are the things that I think about as a dancer. Being a dancer, it consisted of me allowing myself to give my complete being to the audience. Easy said then done. After many years of dancing, you think I will be use to this already.
Well…not really. In order for me to do this, I really have to look myself in the mirror and I have to make a conscious choice to tap into the real me.
At this point, I know you may be sympathizing but I know your wondering. What brought up all this? It was my workshop audition for the Germany tour AT DRILL HALL IN JOBURG CITY.
Pause for the cause...this morning I was there early at the location and I was right in front of the building but I had no idea which room. I walked around while men where hollaring "sissy" to me until I found some obvious dancers. You know men are the same everywhere; they will always try to hollar at the ladies. Ok! I am pressing PLAY. This workshop audition consists of classes for 2 weeks and then they pick 5 dancers to go Germany. After the first week, they are cutting out dancers for the next week’s round of audition. As I took a look around, I realized that I was one of the better in shape girls. It was like all this time I was judging myself too hard.
Now all I am going to concentrate on trusting in myself and I am going to finally not judge myself too hard.
I am doing this more because I did it in the audition workshop today. I started to dance freely because I was not worried about my body image to the world. My trainer was right about tapping into my emotions first before I even start to work out my body.
I miss my trainer so much and I do sometimes hear his harsh voice as I work out now.
My body is on display to the world but I do not need to worry about it to the extreme. My reason for my sanity is because my mind is getting in tune with my body. If my mind is in tune with my body, I will not want to destroy it with unhealthy food. For all you non dancers out there, I advice you take a dance class because the force of looking at yourself in that giant mirror really allows you to be in touch with your whole being. (OK! I know that was not a strong sentence but you get the point)
So, I finally said it all. Obviously, I am not perfect and I am glad you know that now. Frankly, I feel better.
All in all, my day was wonderful. The audition went well and I am looking forward to dancing for the whole week. Also, I am ready to watch the elections tomorrow and I am hoping to get my second opportunity at this bar.
In this blog posting, I brought out a lot of things and I know this will help me with my issues of my fixation.
“BEAUTY IS YOUR ETERNITY GAZING AT YOU THROUGH THE MIRROR”-think about it
Sunday, November 2, 2008
DEAR READERS: I AM JUST A SOUTHERN GAL
NOVEMBER 2, 2008
I am BLACK, Zimbabwean, South African, but most of all I am just a southern girl from South Carolina. I lived in Beaufort but I went to high school in a small private school in Ridgeland.
It was there where I grew up. Since the 5th grade I attended that school. I t was only till the 6th grade that I realized my difference from the rest of the class. I was the only BLACK person in the class. I realized it when a classmate of mine called me out of my name. You may imagine what he called me. For I have no reason to mention the name, you just need to picture my feelings at the time.
My feelings of always wanted to be accepted by my peers but never felt I was. Being around my pale friends all the time but judged by the people in my neighborhood. It was a split conflict for me. At the same time I was going through puberty.
It was only my senior year of high school that I felt accepted at my school. To my shock, I won homecoming queen. The first person I hugged was my mother’s late white best friend, Miss Missy. I called this woman my second mother and she had 5 boys at my school that were my brothers. With the bondage of her and my mother and my little brother and her youngest as friends, we are a big family. After Miss Missy passed I wondered if she knew how much it meant to me for her to recognize me as her daughter right in front of everybody. Especially, the people that was unsure of my presence at the school. It may not be a big deal to most but I was the first black to get this honor of Homecoming Queen.
I mention my experience now because I am realizing my high school days still have an affect on me. After four years, I realized it more in South Africa. I realize my content feeling of being a loner. In high school, I always felt like a loner because I felt no one got me. When I got to South Africa, I felt like the same lonely girl in high school.
This time it was not the color of my skin however my southern self. This was funny because I never been told about me having a southern accent. Even if I was raised by Zimbabwean parents; I am southern girl. Where did I become this? my small private school.
I learned to talk with a drag but I talk a little fast. Yea! Nobody understands my accent here. I say yes ma’am and sir out of respect. I always say ya’ll and most of all I am friendly. I am friendly but I use it as a dangerous weapon. I like to have parties by a fire with a small group of friends. I listen to country music because it reminds of everything. I still have my camouflage jacket in my closet. It was given to me by my friend.
As I walk barefoot through my apartment lot, I realize no matter where I go. I am just a southern country girl with big dreams. And this girl used her southern charm to possible get a second position at this bar. Being I only dance certain days, I need something else to consume my mind. Hopefully, it works out. So when the boss of the bar asks me: Can you tell me about yourself? I will answer I am just a southern gal with big dreams.
VOTE FOR OBAMA
I am BLACK, Zimbabwean, South African, but most of all I am just a southern girl from South Carolina. I lived in Beaufort but I went to high school in a small private school in Ridgeland.
It was there where I grew up. Since the 5th grade I attended that school. I t was only till the 6th grade that I realized my difference from the rest of the class. I was the only BLACK person in the class. I realized it when a classmate of mine called me out of my name. You may imagine what he called me. For I have no reason to mention the name, you just need to picture my feelings at the time.
My feelings of always wanted to be accepted by my peers but never felt I was. Being around my pale friends all the time but judged by the people in my neighborhood. It was a split conflict for me. At the same time I was going through puberty.
It was only my senior year of high school that I felt accepted at my school. To my shock, I won homecoming queen. The first person I hugged was my mother’s late white best friend, Miss Missy. I called this woman my second mother and she had 5 boys at my school that were my brothers. With the bondage of her and my mother and my little brother and her youngest as friends, we are a big family. After Miss Missy passed I wondered if she knew how much it meant to me for her to recognize me as her daughter right in front of everybody. Especially, the people that was unsure of my presence at the school. It may not be a big deal to most but I was the first black to get this honor of Homecoming Queen.
I mention my experience now because I am realizing my high school days still have an affect on me. After four years, I realized it more in South Africa. I realize my content feeling of being a loner. In high school, I always felt like a loner because I felt no one got me. When I got to South Africa, I felt like the same lonely girl in high school.
This time it was not the color of my skin however my southern self. This was funny because I never been told about me having a southern accent. Even if I was raised by Zimbabwean parents; I am southern girl. Where did I become this? my small private school.
I learned to talk with a drag but I talk a little fast. Yea! Nobody understands my accent here. I say yes ma’am and sir out of respect. I always say ya’ll and most of all I am friendly. I am friendly but I use it as a dangerous weapon. I like to have parties by a fire with a small group of friends. I listen to country music because it reminds of everything. I still have my camouflage jacket in my closet. It was given to me by my friend.
As I walk barefoot through my apartment lot, I realize no matter where I go. I am just a southern country girl with big dreams. And this girl used her southern charm to possible get a second position at this bar. Being I only dance certain days, I need something else to consume my mind. Hopefully, it works out. So when the boss of the bar asks me: Can you tell me about yourself? I will answer I am just a southern gal with big dreams.
VOTE FOR OBAMA
Friday, October 31, 2008
DEAR READERS: IS IT HALLOWEEN?
If you took a look at my “got recent news?” section on this blog, you will read that I had plans tonight to go to this performance. Well….I went but I did not see the performance. At 7:00pm, I took a taxi to Joburg city. Even if I have been on the taxi many times to Joburg city, I still get nervous taking the taxi there especially at night. I really do not have any reason but the fact that Joburg city has a record for being one of the biggest crime cities.
As I am riding in the taxi, the taxi closely approached this over crowded city. It was just crowded like any other city on a Friday night. I reached over to the taxi driver’s ear and I asked him to drop me off on Bree Street. Quietly I said it because I did not want the recognition of my American accent.
As I left the taxi, I got right on the phone to let my friend know I am on my way. He said: “just head back because our arranged ride never called.” This means all sorts of things: it means that we do not have a ride back after the performance; it means that I just spent 7.50 rans for no reason and I am about to spend another 7.50 rans to go back; it means that I added on to my chances of getting robbed by coming to Joburg city for nothing; it means that once again I will be spending the evening alone.
So I just went to the taxi rank near Drill Hall and I asked around for a taxi straight to Randburg. If this was a month ago, I would have freaked out but I was confident because this was becoming my home. One of the guys I asked about the taxi to Randburg said: “Are you English? Are you a BLACK English girl?” I said yes and I moved on. He was so shock to see a BLACK English girl in South Africa. If he knew I was American, his reaction would have been a lot more. I get this kind of reaction a lot.
A month ago the guys who fixed my washer were so surprise to see a black American. They said: “I never meant a black American.” Then I realized the shock reaction from everyone was not because I am American but black too. Anyways…I am done talking about the perception of people have on me.
I got on my taxi to Randburg. I had a sense of pride because I realized my new comfort of me living in South Africa. Simply I am becoming comfortable. I reached my apartment and I had a craving of ice cream. I went to McDonalds and the ice cream was out. I went to all the near by places and they were all closed. Oh well, I just went back to my place and I realized my not need of ice cream. I am supposed to be on a diet. I turned on the television and I am watching Notting Hill. Then it had come to me: the reason why the guy in McDonalds was dressed like a vampire.It is Halloween.
As I am riding in the taxi, the taxi closely approached this over crowded city. It was just crowded like any other city on a Friday night. I reached over to the taxi driver’s ear and I asked him to drop me off on Bree Street. Quietly I said it because I did not want the recognition of my American accent.
As I left the taxi, I got right on the phone to let my friend know I am on my way. He said: “just head back because our arranged ride never called.” This means all sorts of things: it means that we do not have a ride back after the performance; it means that I just spent 7.50 rans for no reason and I am about to spend another 7.50 rans to go back; it means that I added on to my chances of getting robbed by coming to Joburg city for nothing; it means that once again I will be spending the evening alone.
So I just went to the taxi rank near Drill Hall and I asked around for a taxi straight to Randburg. If this was a month ago, I would have freaked out but I was confident because this was becoming my home. One of the guys I asked about the taxi to Randburg said: “Are you English? Are you a BLACK English girl?” I said yes and I moved on. He was so shock to see a BLACK English girl in South Africa. If he knew I was American, his reaction would have been a lot more. I get this kind of reaction a lot.
A month ago the guys who fixed my washer were so surprise to see a black American. They said: “I never meant a black American.” Then I realized the shock reaction from everyone was not because I am American but black too. Anyways…I am done talking about the perception of people have on me.
I got on my taxi to Randburg. I had a sense of pride because I realized my new comfort of me living in South Africa. Simply I am becoming comfortable. I reached my apartment and I had a craving of ice cream. I went to McDonalds and the ice cream was out. I went to all the near by places and they were all closed. Oh well, I just went back to my place and I realized my not need of ice cream. I am supposed to be on a diet. I turned on the television and I am watching Notting Hill. Then it had come to me: the reason why the guy in McDonalds was dressed like a vampire.It is Halloween.
DEAR READERS: I THINK I AM A WOMAN
OCTOBER 26, 2008
I am a woman of many personalities. Through out my life of becoming a woman, I had many prominent men enhance my life. This enhancement from male figures really is true that many women never admit. Many women become who they are because of a bad or good influence from a man.
The first man in my life is the only man that has an honest intention. This man is my Dad. He loves me for me and that’s all to it. He wants the best for me and not for him. Long ago, he taught me that not all men think like this. Through out my years of growing into woman hood, I found out men do not really care about me. They care more of what is inside of them that needs attention.
At 22 years old, I get it Dad. This understanding is driving me to do more with my life and I know great things will come along to me. My description of men is my comparison to all people in this world. Sadly, this is true and I believe once I do it my way. I will gain the respect that I deserve and I will find a position in my life that holds the heart of my Dad.
So, how will I do this? Obviously, I already made some drastic choices like my move away to South Africa searching for the dream. In case you forgot readers, the dream is to be apart of an international dance company. Pause for the cause…I will like to go back to the checklist made long ago.
1) Permit
2) Body Image fix
3) Making Friends
4) Living Arrangements
5) Getting closer to God
In case you are wondering, I am placing getting closer to God under everything because this holds everything together for me. My faith is getting stronger but I am still doing actions that I know are not right. But…you may judge if you want. Let us not forget, this is my personal relationship with God. You know…his picking me up because he knows the place I am coming from. So….I am getting closer to him by just talking to him and I am trying to figure out incidents that happened to me in the past. If I figure it out through him, I can move forward and I will not let those incidents be my excuse for sinful acts. This is a hard process for me and I am braking down a lot. When this happens, I read my Bible.
THE BIBLE-this is the library of books and it is there for me and others. It is there for guidance of life on Earth. My God is so wonderful that he knew my need for this guidance. Also, he knew: it will be hard to follow this guidance.
So I test the waters and my temporary visiting permit to stay in South Africa is over in November. Do not worry! I am having the extension to February and I am hopefully getting it in October. This permit will be to February and until then I will decide what is next.
Currently, I am taking control of my body. Everyday, I am working out at the gym. I am following my rule not eating after 7:30pm. I am taking more dance classes and yoga. My biggest challenge is my eating habits. I love to eat but I am controlling it a lot more. I read two diet books and I put them together to make my own diet plan. This one book, Perfect: Counting Calories, it taught me the realization of my overload on calories in my body. The second of the books, Eating Right 4 Your Blood Type, it made me realize the different bodies and different blood types. This blood has traveled from our ancestors. I knew this is far fetched but it makes sense. It shows what foods are best for your body type. It just makes sense. However, I do not follow the entire book because I need to take my baby steps. Lord knows: I have learned my lesson of not following a diet but making it my life style. This life style is working for me. I am noticing a difference so I am going to see if I stick with it.
As for friends, I am making friends. My best friend here is from the townships of Alexander in South Africa. We work together for Ntsoana Contemporary Dance Theatre. In addition to working with me, he is a working actor on television and theatre. His amazing with humbleness, he is my rock here. He actually makes me not go completely crazy. I trust him because my director trusts him. And this is self assuring to me.
Until….I saw where he came from then we even became closer. Yes! I came to the townships and it is a wonderful place. Alexander, the township, is a huge place of a big family of people but you must know people to feel safe there. I felt safe because I came to the church there.
The church experience was amazing. Even if I did not know the language; I felt the Lord’s presence. The music was amazing. They had great singers and the best band. It was in this church that I visually saw the Lord’s presence everywhere in the world. Then I realized my blessing, it was my curiosity of wondering how other people live. I am very fortunate to be walking as a South African. Some people will never know this feeling because they will only know their set surroundings. They will die and never see the whole world the Lord has created for us. Personally, I could not live with that feeling but I do know some people are truly happy with that feeling.
After church, we went to my place for a braai. In the states, we call it a bar-be-que. Anyways, this braai lead for me to have a bigger braai set for this Friday. Well…..the Friday has come. So, my weekend consisted of braai and new friends. I felt like home. In fact I felt so much like home; I got home sick.
Yes! I am living the dream but I still think of the old USA. For instance, who will be my next president? Well…I do not know but I do know. I will have a say to it. Proudly, I voted by www.votingabroad.com. I read the easy directions and I faxed my vote to Broad of Registration Beaufort, South Carolina. I am mailing my hard copy vote on Monday.
I voted for change, dreams, and most of all human service. I am a college graduated with a duel Bachelor of Arts degree in dance and communications. After I graduated, I decided to work for an after school program for the less fortunate African American kids. I worked as a dance coordinator to have these kids respect their bodies. With that respect, they could inspire themselves to do anything in the world. Notice: how I said inspire self.
To do this, I had given them an African Dance Camp. You could not respect yourself without knowing your roots. As they were learning their roots, these kids had something to look forward to and that was the African Dance Concert at the end of the camp. They realized with hard work anything could happen. At the concert, they all got awards and they saw visually that their hard work was worth it.
For me to make this happen, I worked everyday for 6 weeks with the non-dancing kids. I was only required to come for 2 days of the week because that was what the budget could afford. Nevertheless, I cared more about the kids of Jacob ’s Ladder in Harstville, SC then the money. I did the same program for the Salvation Army for free in my home town of Beaufort, South Carolina. Seeing the change in the kids, it made me go to Africa to learn more about that type of dancing so I could be a better teacher. To tell you the truth, I also needed to learn more about my roots.
In truth this journey is a personal community service to enhance my country USA. The kids of the USA are screaming for a positive figure in their lives. Some people may think dance will not change anything but if you look at the ending outcome of my kids. You will know those some people are wrong. I did not go to school for nothing. So with the emotional and financial support of my parents, they are making my need of community service to these kids one day happen.
I know you are asking: why could my country help me do this enhancement of my knowledge in order to be an assistance of my community one day? To my understanding, the person I am voting for has asked the same question because he has lived through this.
He is an educated person that accepted a low paying job to serve his community. He had struggled paying bills because of his belief of bettering the community. Now! He just wants young people to have the opportunity to serve the community because in the end. We will enhance the entire USA with the physical experience not just our book knowledge.
In South Africa, I am listening to his speech on CNN while reading his book “Dreams from my father.” I think about the day I was fuelled to helping with his campaign in South Carolina at Coker College. I think about why I am still fueled to spend 300 rans to send my vote to USA. I am fueled because among my personal reason of voting for him. They are many other obvious reasons of his views on tax cuts, medical care policy, and many other things that I believe Barrack “Barry” Obama should be my next president.
His journey in life began with a dream and the rest is history. My father, the dreamer, has accomplished everything in his dreams and more. Now! My father has passed this character trait to me and I am also following my dreams.
To follow my dreams, I am going by my recent advice form my best friend here in South Africa: “Do not let the little things bother you.” You see my readers, I am strong but I take things personally. If I keep on allowing myself to do this, I will not be able to focus on my dream because I am carrying negative energy. Now! I am working on leaving that negative energy with the men that do not have a good influence on my life.
I am a woman of many personalities. Through out my life of becoming a woman, I had many prominent men enhance my life. This enhancement from male figures really is true that many women never admit. Many women become who they are because of a bad or good influence from a man.
The first man in my life is the only man that has an honest intention. This man is my Dad. He loves me for me and that’s all to it. He wants the best for me and not for him. Long ago, he taught me that not all men think like this. Through out my years of growing into woman hood, I found out men do not really care about me. They care more of what is inside of them that needs attention.
At 22 years old, I get it Dad. This understanding is driving me to do more with my life and I know great things will come along to me. My description of men is my comparison to all people in this world. Sadly, this is true and I believe once I do it my way. I will gain the respect that I deserve and I will find a position in my life that holds the heart of my Dad.
So, how will I do this? Obviously, I already made some drastic choices like my move away to South Africa searching for the dream. In case you forgot readers, the dream is to be apart of an international dance company. Pause for the cause…I will like to go back to the checklist made long ago.
1) Permit
2) Body Image fix
3) Making Friends
4) Living Arrangements
5) Getting closer to God
In case you are wondering, I am placing getting closer to God under everything because this holds everything together for me. My faith is getting stronger but I am still doing actions that I know are not right. But…you may judge if you want. Let us not forget, this is my personal relationship with God. You know…his picking me up because he knows the place I am coming from. So….I am getting closer to him by just talking to him and I am trying to figure out incidents that happened to me in the past. If I figure it out through him, I can move forward and I will not let those incidents be my excuse for sinful acts. This is a hard process for me and I am braking down a lot. When this happens, I read my Bible.
THE BIBLE-this is the library of books and it is there for me and others. It is there for guidance of life on Earth. My God is so wonderful that he knew my need for this guidance. Also, he knew: it will be hard to follow this guidance.
So I test the waters and my temporary visiting permit to stay in South Africa is over in November. Do not worry! I am having the extension to February and I am hopefully getting it in October. This permit will be to February and until then I will decide what is next.
Currently, I am taking control of my body. Everyday, I am working out at the gym. I am following my rule not eating after 7:30pm. I am taking more dance classes and yoga. My biggest challenge is my eating habits. I love to eat but I am controlling it a lot more. I read two diet books and I put them together to make my own diet plan. This one book, Perfect: Counting Calories, it taught me the realization of my overload on calories in my body. The second of the books, Eating Right 4 Your Blood Type, it made me realize the different bodies and different blood types. This blood has traveled from our ancestors. I knew this is far fetched but it makes sense. It shows what foods are best for your body type. It just makes sense. However, I do not follow the entire book because I need to take my baby steps. Lord knows: I have learned my lesson of not following a diet but making it my life style. This life style is working for me. I am noticing a difference so I am going to see if I stick with it.
As for friends, I am making friends. My best friend here is from the townships of Alexander in South Africa. We work together for Ntsoana Contemporary Dance Theatre. In addition to working with me, he is a working actor on television and theatre. His amazing with humbleness, he is my rock here. He actually makes me not go completely crazy. I trust him because my director trusts him. And this is self assuring to me.
Until….I saw where he came from then we even became closer. Yes! I came to the townships and it is a wonderful place. Alexander, the township, is a huge place of a big family of people but you must know people to feel safe there. I felt safe because I came to the church there.
The church experience was amazing. Even if I did not know the language; I felt the Lord’s presence. The music was amazing. They had great singers and the best band. It was in this church that I visually saw the Lord’s presence everywhere in the world. Then I realized my blessing, it was my curiosity of wondering how other people live. I am very fortunate to be walking as a South African. Some people will never know this feeling because they will only know their set surroundings. They will die and never see the whole world the Lord has created for us. Personally, I could not live with that feeling but I do know some people are truly happy with that feeling.
After church, we went to my place for a braai. In the states, we call it a bar-be-que. Anyways, this braai lead for me to have a bigger braai set for this Friday. Well…..the Friday has come. So, my weekend consisted of braai and new friends. I felt like home. In fact I felt so much like home; I got home sick.
Yes! I am living the dream but I still think of the old USA. For instance, who will be my next president? Well…I do not know but I do know. I will have a say to it. Proudly, I voted by www.votingabroad.com. I read the easy directions and I faxed my vote to Broad of Registration Beaufort, South Carolina. I am mailing my hard copy vote on Monday.
I voted for change, dreams, and most of all human service. I am a college graduated with a duel Bachelor of Arts degree in dance and communications. After I graduated, I decided to work for an after school program for the less fortunate African American kids. I worked as a dance coordinator to have these kids respect their bodies. With that respect, they could inspire themselves to do anything in the world. Notice: how I said inspire self.
To do this, I had given them an African Dance Camp. You could not respect yourself without knowing your roots. As they were learning their roots, these kids had something to look forward to and that was the African Dance Concert at the end of the camp. They realized with hard work anything could happen. At the concert, they all got awards and they saw visually that their hard work was worth it.
For me to make this happen, I worked everyday for 6 weeks with the non-dancing kids. I was only required to come for 2 days of the week because that was what the budget could afford. Nevertheless, I cared more about the kids of Jacob ’s Ladder in Harstville, SC then the money. I did the same program for the Salvation Army for free in my home town of Beaufort, South Carolina. Seeing the change in the kids, it made me go to Africa to learn more about that type of dancing so I could be a better teacher. To tell you the truth, I also needed to learn more about my roots.
In truth this journey is a personal community service to enhance my country USA. The kids of the USA are screaming for a positive figure in their lives. Some people may think dance will not change anything but if you look at the ending outcome of my kids. You will know those some people are wrong. I did not go to school for nothing. So with the emotional and financial support of my parents, they are making my need of community service to these kids one day happen.
I know you are asking: why could my country help me do this enhancement of my knowledge in order to be an assistance of my community one day? To my understanding, the person I am voting for has asked the same question because he has lived through this.
He is an educated person that accepted a low paying job to serve his community. He had struggled paying bills because of his belief of bettering the community. Now! He just wants young people to have the opportunity to serve the community because in the end. We will enhance the entire USA with the physical experience not just our book knowledge.
In South Africa, I am listening to his speech on CNN while reading his book “Dreams from my father.” I think about the day I was fuelled to helping with his campaign in South Carolina at Coker College. I think about why I am still fueled to spend 300 rans to send my vote to USA. I am fueled because among my personal reason of voting for him. They are many other obvious reasons of his views on tax cuts, medical care policy, and many other things that I believe Barrack “Barry” Obama should be my next president.
His journey in life began with a dream and the rest is history. My father, the dreamer, has accomplished everything in his dreams and more. Now! My father has passed this character trait to me and I am also following my dreams.
To follow my dreams, I am going by my recent advice form my best friend here in South Africa: “Do not let the little things bother you.” You see my readers, I am strong but I take things personally. If I keep on allowing myself to do this, I will not be able to focus on my dream because I am carrying negative energy. Now! I am working on leaving that negative energy with the men that do not have a good influence on my life.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
DEAR READERS: MY HOLLAND DANCE TOUR EXPERIENCE. WE BROGHT SOUTH AFRICA TO AMSTERDAM AND THE HAGUE
SEPTEMBER 30, 2008
On this day, I woke up in Holland. Why? The reason: I am on dance tour in Amsterdam. The last time I made an appearance in this city was in 2006 on a European study abroad trip. Now! I have seen it in a different light. At this moment, I am staying in a hotel boat and my window has shown me the view of the water. Immediately after viewing the water, I walked the streets in comfort because of my familiarity of the place.
However, I do not walk the streets alone. All together with me are about 20 dancers, technical crew, and choreographers and we all are walking the streets in pure bliss. As I was walking, I asked myself: how many people have the opportunity to be in Amsterdam on a dance business trip? Well….I did not know the answer. I did know I have the opportunity to be here for the Afrovibes Festival 2008.
The opening of this festival was today by a piece from the world-renowned Gregory Maqoma. The entitlement was “Last Chance.” It was a breath taking experience to watch this performance. It brought me to a world of emotions. In my opinion, the piece showed comparison of a woman to a yellow truck. This comparison related to me so much that I had actually cried.
I believed I cried because of my personal in between moment of a girl becoming a woman. It made me want to be as strong as her. This section of this piece hit me deeply. Even through, the piece had covered many issues but that issue affected me the most. Then, I had come to the realization that I am sharing the stage with these amazing dancers. For the first time, I felt a sense of luck and belonging.
All of a sudden, I felt the people around me becoming my dancing family. Honestly, my dancing family has geared me into my adulthood. They have made me find my inner self beyond my flesh and remove my lack of confidence to become a confident woman.
Throughout the trip, I had experience many things such as shopping at the market, the Amsterdam’s way of transportation on bikes, and I meet many people such as the organizer of the festival. He had seen my interest in the organization of the festival. Briefly, I had mentioned my communications degree and he asked for me to send my CV. Well….I did not waste anytime and I sent it right in. The quote I leave with you my readers: “No one is going to hand to you; you must take it.”
On this day, I woke up in Holland. Why? The reason: I am on dance tour in Amsterdam. The last time I made an appearance in this city was in 2006 on a European study abroad trip. Now! I have seen it in a different light. At this moment, I am staying in a hotel boat and my window has shown me the view of the water. Immediately after viewing the water, I walked the streets in comfort because of my familiarity of the place.
However, I do not walk the streets alone. All together with me are about 20 dancers, technical crew, and choreographers and we all are walking the streets in pure bliss. As I was walking, I asked myself: how many people have the opportunity to be in Amsterdam on a dance business trip? Well….I did not know the answer. I did know I have the opportunity to be here for the Afrovibes Festival 2008.
The opening of this festival was today by a piece from the world-renowned Gregory Maqoma. The entitlement was “Last Chance.” It was a breath taking experience to watch this performance. It brought me to a world of emotions. In my opinion, the piece showed comparison of a woman to a yellow truck. This comparison related to me so much that I had actually cried.
I believed I cried because of my personal in between moment of a girl becoming a woman. It made me want to be as strong as her. This section of this piece hit me deeply. Even through, the piece had covered many issues but that issue affected me the most. Then, I had come to the realization that I am sharing the stage with these amazing dancers. For the first time, I felt a sense of luck and belonging.
All of a sudden, I felt the people around me becoming my dancing family. Honestly, my dancing family has geared me into my adulthood. They have made me find my inner self beyond my flesh and remove my lack of confidence to become a confident woman.
Throughout the trip, I had experience many things such as shopping at the market, the Amsterdam’s way of transportation on bikes, and I meet many people such as the organizer of the festival. He had seen my interest in the organization of the festival. Briefly, I had mentioned my communications degree and he asked for me to send my CV. Well….I did not waste anytime and I sent it right in. The quote I leave with you my readers: “No one is going to hand to you; you must take it.”
THROUGH THE CAMERA, MY PICTURES OF MY LIFE IN SOUTH AFRICA-3rd dance tour holland
THE TOWNSHIP CAFE IN HOLLAND 
PARTYING IN TOWNSHIP CAFE
BIKES
THATS AMSTERDAM FOR YOU
I WANT THIS CAR
PARTYING IN TOWNSHIP CAFE
BIKES
THATS AMSTERDAM FOR YOU
I WANT THIS CAR
THROUGH THE CAMERA, MY PICTURES OF MY LIFE IN SOUTH AFRICA-3rd Dance Tour Holland
THE REASON WHY I HAD COME TO HOLLAND-THE AFROVIBES FESTIVAL 2008
GETTING READY IN THE DRESSING ROOM TO BECOME TRACEY
THE THEATRE
INSIDE THE THEATRE- GREGORY MAQOMA REHEARSING
A BOAT ON THE WATER
GETTING READY IN THE DRESSING ROOM TO BECOME TRACEY
THE THEATRE
INSIDE THE THEATRE- GREGORY MAQOMA REHEARSING
A BOAT ON THE WATER
THROUGH THE CAMERA, MY PICTURES OF MY LIFE IN SOUTH AFRICA-2nd Dance Tour Back to Joburg, South Africa
LEAVING MOZAMBIQUE-GOING BACK TO JOHANNESBURG, SOUTH AFRICA 
ARTS ALIVE IN SOUTH AFRICA. I USE TO PERFORM AT THIS DANCE FESTIVAL IN COLLEGE AND I JUST COULD NOT BELIEVE THEY HAD IT IN SOUTH AFRICA. IT WAS MUCH BIGGER HERE BUT IT WAS BECAUSE OF THE CITY. I COME FROM A SMALL TOWN. WE DID WHAT WE HAD TO DO.
MY ARTISTIC DIRECTOR SELLO PESA AND COMPANY DANCE MEMBER BRYAN
I AM GETTING READY IN THE DRESSING ROOM.
ARTS ALIVE IN SOUTH AFRICA. I USE TO PERFORM AT THIS DANCE FESTIVAL IN COLLEGE AND I JUST COULD NOT BELIEVE THEY HAD IT IN SOUTH AFRICA. IT WAS MUCH BIGGER HERE BUT IT WAS BECAUSE OF THE CITY. I COME FROM A SMALL TOWN. WE DID WHAT WE HAD TO DO.
MY ARTISTIC DIRECTOR SELLO PESA AND COMPANY DANCE MEMBER BRYAN
I AM GETTING READY IN THE DRESSING ROOM.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
THROUGH THE CAMERA, MY PICTURES OF MY LIFE IN SOUTH AFRICA-MY 1ST DANCE TOUR MOZAMBIQUE
WELCOME TO MOZAMBIQUE! NTSOANA CONTEMPORARY DANCE THEATRE.
NTSOANA CONTEMPORARY DANCE THEATRE- BRYAN AND I IN EXTRACT OF X'S 2
I PLAYED TRACEY. THE MARRIED MAN'S MISTRESS AND BRYAN PLAYED THE MARRIED WOMEN'S BOYFRIEND. IT WAS A CRAZY PIECE.
THE COMPANY'S ONLY DAY OFF. WE DECIDED TO GO TO THE BEACH
ME ON THE BEACH......MOZAMBIQUE IS JUST LOVELY.
THE COMPANY
NTSOANA CONTEMPORARY DANCE THEATRE- BRYAN AND I IN EXTRACT OF X'S 2I PLAYED TRACEY. THE MARRIED MAN'S MISTRESS AND BRYAN PLAYED THE MARRIED WOMEN'S BOYFRIEND. IT WAS A CRAZY PIECE.
THE COMPANY'S ONLY DAY OFF. WE DECIDED TO GO TO THE BEACH
ME ON THE BEACH......MOZAMBIQUE IS JUST LOVELY.
THE COMPANY
Monday, October 27, 2008
THROUGH THE CAMERA, MY PICTURES OF MY LIFE IN SOUTH AFRICA
Billtong-my brothers favorite
Biltong is a kind of cured meat that originated in South Africa. Many different types of meat can be used to make it, ranging from beef through game meats to fillets of ostrich from commercial farms. It is typically made from raw fillets of meat cut into strips following the grain of the muscle, or flat pieces sliced across the grain. It is similar to beef jerky in that they are both spiced, dried meats, but differ in their typical ingredients, taste and production process. The word biltong is from the Dutch bil ("rump") and tong ("strip" or "tongue").
Retreived from: http://www.wikipedia.com
I FOUND FAMILY-MY COUSIN IN PRETORIA
MY COUSIN ON THE SHAKER IN PRETORIA
ALL OF US TOGETHER-PRETORIA
Biltong is a kind of cured meat that originated in South Africa. Many different types of meat can be used to make it, ranging from beef through game meats to fillets of ostrich from commercial farms. It is typically made from raw fillets of meat cut into strips following the grain of the muscle, or flat pieces sliced across the grain. It is similar to beef jerky in that they are both spiced, dried meats, but differ in their typical ingredients, taste and production process. The word biltong is from the Dutch bil ("rump") and tong ("strip" or "tongue").
Retreived from: http://www.wikipedia.com
I FOUND FAMILY-MY COUSIN IN PRETORIA
MY COUSIN ON THE SHAKER IN PRETORIA
ALL OF US TOGETHER-PRETORIA
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