DEAR READERS: my mind connects to my body

NOVEMBER 3, 2008

About a year ago, my physical trainer told me” “your about to put your body on display to the whole world.” At the time, I was a driven senior college student trying to loss weight for my final dance show. My physical trainer not only had taught me how to workout but he had taught me how to tap into my feelings. I needed this guidance because I was also preparing my mind and body to audition for dance companies. Who knew that it will be a dance company in South Africa? Honestly, I did not.

You see anyone who knows me. They know I am always on a diet. I put myself on diets because through my life I developed a food fixation. My food fixation developed by me not feeling full. There are many reasons why I feel this way and I just do not need to rekindle those reasons. Let me just say: Thank God! I am an active person or I will be huge as a house. I do know the battle within myself that I always have to control. Well…they say the first step will be to claim it. So I claimed it. Now I ask myself what am I going to do about it?

Well…I guess I should admit some things. I do know this: I have a lot of quiet time to myself lately and my fixation has come back. Simply I have nothing else to do. My fixation could be best explained by eating foods that I know are not good for my body.

You see readers; these are the things that I think about as a dancer. Being a dancer, it consisted of me allowing myself to give my complete being to the audience. Easy said then done. After many years of dancing, you think I will be use to this already.

Well…not really. In order for me to do this, I really have to look myself in the mirror and I have to make a conscious choice to tap into the real me.

At this point, I know you may be sympathizing but I know your wondering. What brought up all this? It was my workshop audition for the Germany tour AT DRILL HALL IN JOBURG CITY.

Pause for the cause...this morning I was there early at the location and I was right in front of the building but I had no idea which room. I walked around while men where hollaring "sissy" to me until I found some obvious dancers. You know men are the same everywhere; they will always try to hollar at the ladies. Ok! I am pressing PLAY. This workshop audition consists of classes for 2 weeks and then they pick 5 dancers to go Germany. After the first week, they are cutting out dancers for the next week’s round of audition. As I took a look around, I realized that I was one of the better in shape girls. It was like all this time I was judging myself too hard.

Now all I am going to concentrate on trusting in myself and I am going to finally not judge myself too hard.

I am doing this more because I did it in the audition workshop today. I started to dance freely because I was not worried about my body image to the world. My trainer was right about tapping into my emotions first before I even start to work out my body.

I miss my trainer so much and I do sometimes hear his harsh voice as I work out now.

My body is on display to the world but I do not need to worry about it to the extreme. My reason for my sanity is because my mind is getting in tune with my body. If my mind is in tune with my body, I will not want to destroy it with unhealthy food. For all you non dancers out there, I advice you take a dance class because the force of looking at yourself in that giant mirror really allows you to be in touch with your whole being. (OK! I know that was not a strong sentence but you get the point)

So, I finally said it all. Obviously, I am not perfect and I am glad you know that now. Frankly, I feel better.

All in all, my day was wonderful. The audition went well and I am looking forward to dancing for the whole week. Also, I am ready to watch the elections tomorrow and I am hoping to get my second opportunity at this bar.

In this blog posting, I brought out a lot of things and I know this will help me with my issues of my fixation.

“BEAUTY IS YOUR ETERNITY GAZING AT YOU THROUGH THE MIRROR”-think about it