NOVEMBER 16, 2008
“You’ve come to this juncture in your life, merely because something in YOU kept saying, “You deserve to be happy.” YOU were born to add something, to add value to this world. To simply be something, bigger, and better than YOU were yesterday.” ~Lisa Nichols
Heading back to my place, I was walking slowly and I was breathing even slower. As I reached my place of rest, I just laid my head down and I slept. I woke up feeling lost in my mind and I just knew that I needed a change.
All week, I have been recognizing my blessings but also my emotions going from high to low. Maybe the reason being, I am unconsciously worshiping my God on my convenience. What do I mean by this? Simply, I seem to come to him most when I am in trouble. Well…you already know this may have some consequences. In the end, this has physically and emotionally drained me. Simply when I come to him, I come to him with my negative and I forget to discuss my positive aspects in my life. Then I just do it my way sometimes. Well of course the smart thing to do will just fully commit my life to God and just trust him. This really will be a sensible solution because I already know that worshiping him on my convenience has just not quite worked out. Even if this sensible solution has made sense in my mind, it happened to be an easier said than done.
As I recognize my blessings, I do ask now why God has chosen me for this goodness in my life. I asked myself this because I do not feel deserving. Then I asked myself, what has God saved me for to do in this life?
Then I realized it has taking my life’s experiences to even come to this point of asking questions. At least I realized now that I worship by my convenience. One last question to me what I am going to do?
First I recognized this place of questions before and I have learned my incapability of going through this alone. So I must find the right church for me. I n this day and age, this could be difficult. Most importantly, I must stop putting unwanted things in my body of self medication of not filling full. I must start feeing myself with God’s word.
I know what you’re thinking my readers. Oh! This will not be easy. But I am learning life is not easy. So I chase after the quote: “YOU control your own destiny.”
I pray for God to show me what he has saved me for to do in this life. Then I realized that’s it! He has given me the opportunity to find out and now I must take that opportunity. Thank you South Africa for given me a new vibe to figure all this out of my self discovery.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
DEAR READERS: MY FAMILY IN SOUTH AFRICA
NOVEMBER 12, 2008
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FAMILY- Family denotes a group of people affiliated by consanguinity, affinity, or co-residence. Although the concept of consanguinity originally referred to relations by "blood," many anthropologists have argued that one must understand the notion of "blood" metaphorically, and that many societies understand 'family' through other concepts rather than through genetic distance. (www.wikapediaencylopedia)
*****************************************************************************************************************
As I arrived in South Africa, I realized my family here picked me up as I was down in emotions. It was not my blood related family. It was my family by choice.
*******************************************************************************************************************
MEET MY FATHER (artistic director Sello Pesa)
He was the only one that knew my intentions in South Africa. When I am in deep trouble; I go to him. And he has given me advice to only guide me through. But like all my parents he has to let me go to figure it out on my own.
MEET MY MOTHER (mother of the church)
She actually has many children amongst me. She has the blessing of being the mother of the church in Alexander’s townships.
In South Africa, the term township usually refers to the (often underdeveloped) urban living areas that, under Apartheid, were reserved for non-whites (principally black Africans and Coloureds, but also working class Indians). Townships were usually built on the periphery of towns and cities. (http://www.wikipediaencyclopedia.com/)
In addition to visiting mama, I often go to the townships to visit my best friend.
MEET MY BEST FRIEND- (work mate of dance company)
We met at the company that I dance at in South Africa. When I am down in emotions, his my self confidence, my drive, but most of all his made me feel at home in South Africa. He has welcomed me into his family, friends, and life. In fact, he was the one who introduced me to mama.
His my tour guide especially my tour guide of the taxis. In fact, the taxi drivers have become my brothers.
MEET MY BROTHERS-(the taxi drivers)
Like all siblings, we have a love/hate relationship. Before I knew the signs to stop the taxi drivers, they all use to wave at me and smile. They will tease me and just leave me. They were making me stronger because no brother has a need for their sister to be a sissy. When I finally figured it out, I realized the taxi drivers actually helping me with getting around. Also, I had sat in front one day and you know what that means. It was my job to distribute the taxi driver’s money to the passengers. Well, I messed up that day and I had come up short by 11 rans. I had felt awful and I tried given my own money to the driver, my brother. He had just smiled and he said, “NO”.
MEET MY FAMILY BY MARRIAGE- (the rest of South African people)
They are my extended family. In South Africa, the people here generally care about each other but they are also just trying to survive themselves. As I rode back home from Johannesburg City, I watched the people around me. Oh! In case you forgot, I am in the Gauteng providence in Craighall. Ok! back to what I was talking about. I actually stretched my head out to watch this driver in a BMW give their food to a beggar.
Oh! My reason for coming back from Johannesburg City was dance. Yea! I have been traveling back and forward everyday for this audition dance workshop. The audition was for this dance project in Germany. I had made it through the first cut but I did not make it through for the entire project. But I was still happy because I actually made it through the first cut. Hey! Maybe Germany was not for me. But I was still able to attend the rest of the workshop for classes.
I love attending the classes because the dancers and I had a chance to talk about our emotions. I found out the rest of the dancers were feeling the same insecurities about dance as I was. The talk had enlightened me. And I made new friends out it.
At the moment, I am counting my blessings and I am realizing my better days of hope. With my new family, I am making new friends, working out, reading more, working on bad eating habits. And of course……I am dancing my heart out. In fact, I am finding the movement with in me. Could you say choreographer in the making? Hold up! I know one dream at a time.
“YOU should control your own destiny.”
******************************************************************************************************************
FAMILY- Family denotes a group of people affiliated by consanguinity, affinity, or co-residence. Although the concept of consanguinity originally referred to relations by "blood," many anthropologists have argued that one must understand the notion of "blood" metaphorically, and that many societies understand 'family' through other concepts rather than through genetic distance. (www.wikapediaencylopedia)
*****************************************************************************************************************
As I arrived in South Africa, I realized my family here picked me up as I was down in emotions. It was not my blood related family. It was my family by choice.
*******************************************************************************************************************
MEET MY FATHER (artistic director Sello Pesa)
He was the only one that knew my intentions in South Africa. When I am in deep trouble; I go to him. And he has given me advice to only guide me through. But like all my parents he has to let me go to figure it out on my own.
MEET MY MOTHER (mother of the church)
She actually has many children amongst me. She has the blessing of being the mother of the church in Alexander’s townships.
In South Africa, the term township usually refers to the (often underdeveloped) urban living areas that, under Apartheid, were reserved for non-whites (principally black Africans and Coloureds, but also working class Indians). Townships were usually built on the periphery of towns and cities. (http://www.wikipediaencyclopedia.com/)
In addition to visiting mama, I often go to the townships to visit my best friend.
MEET MY BEST FRIEND- (work mate of dance company)
We met at the company that I dance at in South Africa. When I am down in emotions, his my self confidence, my drive, but most of all his made me feel at home in South Africa. He has welcomed me into his family, friends, and life. In fact, he was the one who introduced me to mama.
His my tour guide especially my tour guide of the taxis. In fact, the taxi drivers have become my brothers.
MEET MY BROTHERS-(the taxi drivers)
Like all siblings, we have a love/hate relationship. Before I knew the signs to stop the taxi drivers, they all use to wave at me and smile. They will tease me and just leave me. They were making me stronger because no brother has a need for their sister to be a sissy. When I finally figured it out, I realized the taxi drivers actually helping me with getting around. Also, I had sat in front one day and you know what that means. It was my job to distribute the taxi driver’s money to the passengers. Well, I messed up that day and I had come up short by 11 rans. I had felt awful and I tried given my own money to the driver, my brother. He had just smiled and he said, “NO”.
MEET MY FAMILY BY MARRIAGE- (the rest of South African people)
They are my extended family. In South Africa, the people here generally care about each other but they are also just trying to survive themselves. As I rode back home from Johannesburg City, I watched the people around me. Oh! In case you forgot, I am in the Gauteng providence in Craighall. Ok! back to what I was talking about. I actually stretched my head out to watch this driver in a BMW give their food to a beggar.
Oh! My reason for coming back from Johannesburg City was dance. Yea! I have been traveling back and forward everyday for this audition dance workshop. The audition was for this dance project in Germany. I had made it through the first cut but I did not make it through for the entire project. But I was still happy because I actually made it through the first cut. Hey! Maybe Germany was not for me. But I was still able to attend the rest of the workshop for classes.
I love attending the classes because the dancers and I had a chance to talk about our emotions. I found out the rest of the dancers were feeling the same insecurities about dance as I was. The talk had enlightened me. And I made new friends out it.
At the moment, I am counting my blessings and I am realizing my better days of hope. With my new family, I am making new friends, working out, reading more, working on bad eating habits. And of course……I am dancing my heart out. In fact, I am finding the movement with in me. Could you say choreographer in the making? Hold up! I know one dream at a time.
“YOU should control your own destiny.”
Saturday, November 8, 2008
DEAR READERS: A LETTER FROM VOTING ABROAD
Since November 5, 2008, I have been having better days because I have been experiencing days of hope. Also, I am not the only one. My current home country South Africa has an uplifting spirit of hope because they are sharing the victory with my country USA. The victory has to do with the USA chosing the right choice of our new president Obama. I am feeling so good that I was a part of that. The following letter was from voting abroad:
Dear Elsie,
We made it happen – by electing Barack Obama and Joe Biden, and by electing Democrats across the country, from around the world.
Most importantly, you made it happen!
You are the volunteer who registered countless voters. You are the help desk for VoteFromAbroad.org. You are the caller to hundreds of voters in swing states. You are the person who helped form a new committee of Democrats Abroad in one of nine countries around the world. You are the backbone of your country committee, from the Global Primary to Election Day events. You are the team that has kept our members informed and engaged, participated in debates, held training sessions, opened your home for events, and didn’t stop. You are the person who donated your talent, your expertise, your time, your money. You are the voter who helped make it happen.
You are our oldest voter, a 106-year old nun in Rome who looks to a President who is able to govern. You are a Marine veteran in New Zealand who inspired your family to vote Obama. You are a first-time voter in Paris who helped spread the word in our 'Where on Earth Will You Vote' video. You are a voter from DA – Afghanistan, our 44th country committee, voting for the 44th President of the United States. You are a voter who took the overnight bus to Sao Paulo to get your ballot couriered just in time. You are the voter who made sure your vote counted this year. You are the voter who made the difference.
We voted from virtually every country around the world, in every state across America – and D.C. We voted overwhelmingly from countries with committees in place to get out the vote. We voted from military bases in bigger numbers than ever before, we voted in more countries than ever before. First-time voters cast ten times more votes than ever before. We voted the official ballot, we voted the write-in ballot, we voted by mail, by diplomatic pouch, by express mail. We voted and won in a number of highlighted battleground states: in Colorado, Florida, Indiana, Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota, New Hampshire, Nevada, New Mexico, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia and Wisconsin. And we helped make it happen. (Although North Carolina remains undetermined at this writing.)
In Barack Obama, we have a President-elect who brings a depth of understanding to the challenges Americans – both at home and abroad – face today. A leader committed to reengaging with the rest of the world, disengaging from Iraq and restoring our global reputation. A leader who understands that our economy is not only in crisis but impacts worldwide markets.
But there are no easy solutions to these challenges. And we won’t be able to meet them head on unless we are once again a united America. But today we can look to the future and to leadership that works for and with all Americans, wherever we call home.
Today, I know we are all thankful that we could participate in this historic election and take our country in a new direction.
Thank you for making it happen,
Christine
Christine Schon Marques
International Chair, Democrats Abroad
Dear Elsie,
We made it happen – by electing Barack Obama and Joe Biden, and by electing Democrats across the country, from around the world.
Most importantly, you made it happen!
You are the volunteer who registered countless voters. You are the help desk for VoteFromAbroad.org. You are the caller to hundreds of voters in swing states. You are the person who helped form a new committee of Democrats Abroad in one of nine countries around the world. You are the backbone of your country committee, from the Global Primary to Election Day events. You are the team that has kept our members informed and engaged, participated in debates, held training sessions, opened your home for events, and didn’t stop. You are the person who donated your talent, your expertise, your time, your money. You are the voter who helped make it happen.
You are our oldest voter, a 106-year old nun in Rome who looks to a President who is able to govern. You are a Marine veteran in New Zealand who inspired your family to vote Obama. You are a first-time voter in Paris who helped spread the word in our 'Where on Earth Will You Vote' video. You are a voter from DA – Afghanistan, our 44th country committee, voting for the 44th President of the United States. You are a voter who took the overnight bus to Sao Paulo to get your ballot couriered just in time. You are the voter who made sure your vote counted this year. You are the voter who made the difference.
We voted from virtually every country around the world, in every state across America – and D.C. We voted overwhelmingly from countries with committees in place to get out the vote. We voted from military bases in bigger numbers than ever before, we voted in more countries than ever before. First-time voters cast ten times more votes than ever before. We voted the official ballot, we voted the write-in ballot, we voted by mail, by diplomatic pouch, by express mail. We voted and won in a number of highlighted battleground states: in Colorado, Florida, Indiana, Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota, New Hampshire, Nevada, New Mexico, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia and Wisconsin. And we helped make it happen. (Although North Carolina remains undetermined at this writing.)
In Barack Obama, we have a President-elect who brings a depth of understanding to the challenges Americans – both at home and abroad – face today. A leader committed to reengaging with the rest of the world, disengaging from Iraq and restoring our global reputation. A leader who understands that our economy is not only in crisis but impacts worldwide markets.
But there are no easy solutions to these challenges. And we won’t be able to meet them head on unless we are once again a united America. But today we can look to the future and to leadership that works for and with all Americans, wherever we call home.
Today, I know we are all thankful that we could participate in this historic election and take our country in a new direction.
Thank you for making it happen,
Christine
Christine Schon Marques
International Chair, Democrats Abroad
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
DEAR READERS:ELECTION DAY: I AM A LUCKY GIRL BUT I AM NOT LIVING THE GLAMOUR LIFE.
NOVEMBER 4, 2008
In my opinion,this year's presidential election of America is the biggest election in history. It is about change and the American dream coming true. My blog reflects living the dream with conflicts.
***********************************************************************************************
I had come from good parents. I went to good private schools in both high school and college. Big Ups to Coker College! All my life, my parents had given me the world. They did this because they actually followed the role of being a parent and beyond. Most of all, they are giving me support to follow my dreams.
My dream was to be famous with a purpose. I decided long ago to be a part of an international dance company. I went through the audition process with fear in my heart. But I was not going to ask myself one day "What if?"
I did what it took to make my dream come true. I decided to dance in South Africa. I wanted to learn more about African Contemporary dance. I was driven to do this when I was teaching my black students dance in South Carolina. Notice! I said I decided because no one was going to chose my destiny.
When I graduated from college, I took this teaching job in the summer and I was only being paid $500.00 and my rent was $250.00 a month. Also, I was getting paid at the end of the summer. So my parents had supported me financially in food and rent.
At the end of the summer, I had held an African Dance Concert for my black students. My father had come to see it. It was important for him to see it because he was sharing a part of my passion. After the concert, I talked to my Dad and I discussed with him my dream of dancing in South Africa.
Initially I wanted to go to Zimbabwe because I have more family there. However Zimbabwe was going through some things. So I decided my best bet was to head to South Africa. I was driven by my students that I teach because I saw in their eyes how much they strive to know about their ancestor’s culture. It was the same look I had in my eyes at their age. So in order for me to teach them more I had to know more. I had to physically go to live, breath, eat African Contemporary Dance. My dream started as dancing for a international dance company and it had become into dancing international with the purpose of searching for my inner self.
So I had contacted my South African professor and I had asked him to help me. He did everything for me in the dance sense because I only asked him just for that. Also I had worked out my details of where I am going to stay and how I am going to get there. I felt stable going to another country of people who I did not know but I had no idea how hard it was going to be.
I live positively and I try to look for the good in everything. At this moment, I just can not take it some things. I got to South Africa and I had a warm welcome until I moved into my permanent home with X and my reality had come to life. It was impossible to live with X. She degraded everything about me until I could not handle it any more. Here I was away from everything I know because of my purpose of learning more about what I do. X had read my diary and I moved out. Then I lived with Z and I knew this was not permanent but it was a breath of fresh air.
However…the distance to the dance studio was a full hour.
I had to travel by mini taxis to the dance studio. I had to figure out the best route to get me there and I got lost many times. I did get traumatized traveling by taxis but I believe God was watching me. Simply I was a girl traveling to a non familiar place and it was a nightmare. I do not know the language and people do not understand me. I often felt their voice through my body as they kept screaming to me “WHAT?” However, I soon got use to my route and I had better travels.
When I left to Mozambique and I had no idea where I was going to be staying when I get back to Joburg. But I had to just enjoy touring in Mozambique but I still had what is next in my mind. When I got back from Mozambique, I knew I had enough money for food but not for rent.
When I got back Z got an apartment for me but my roommate was going to be a guy. Yea! So I knew that was not happening. So I continued paying 60 rans to travel back and forward to the dance studio. Finally I had found an apartment for 7500 rans and I could not afford it. Obviously it was because I just graduated. So my parents had agreed to pay just for that. I am on my own for the rest.
So why do I have money issues? Just like everything in the world, you have to start from some where. I am in the training development program for the company. The money that I have saved up; it all goes to my extending permit fines.
While I am on my very expensive self discovery, I am on a temporary visiting permit so I will have the opportunity to explore this dancing and find my true roots. Did I mention that my late grandmother’s roots come from South Africa? Well…yea its true. Anyways…the permit is holding for only 3 months and I realized that I need to stay longer. But…I do not know how to do this.
So I just extended it again and it cost a fortunate.
In fact, South Africa is expensive sometimes. Currently, I am a broke 22 years old gal whose parents still support her. I am lucky to be following my dream but I am not living the glamour life.
I do not have money. I do not know the language so I walk around just listening to sounds all day. Then I remember my kids faces and how I want to keep my promise to them. My promise of learning everything about African Contemporary Dance and I will open my own company for them and others to have a positive hobby to do. A hobby that could become a serious career. You see..I always wanted to do something with a purpose and I believe this could be done by starting in the beginning with the kids. Kids should respect their bodies. When they respect their bodies, they will respect themselves and I believe this could be done through dance.
For my parents, I love them so much because they do not have any money. They are just middle class parents with one child in college and the other following a dream. A dream that does not pay much. But…I am gaining so much here. I am gaining my self. The dancing I do has made me connect to my body and I could not describe what a better dancer and person I am.
One day I know I could award my parents for all the hardships they are going through because of me. I love them for continuing to support me because they believe in my dream.
To tell you the truth, I know this situation has to change because I just can’t live like this. I love dance but I can not let it destroy me. Unfortunately, the world is cruel to artist.
Right Now! I am a lucky girl living my dream but this dream has extreme consequences. So I am not living the glamour life. Dear God! I got less than 500 rans in my pocket. Please! God do not think I am going back on my prayer to you about becoming a part of a international dance company. I am just stating that some things must change. I am better than this.
As I talk about dreams coming true, the people I know in South Africa are cheering for Obama. They are just as excited as me. As of right now, the American Society holding a Obama Party in South Africa but I could not attend because I do not travel on taxis this late. One day I will meet the American Society and maybe things will be better for me in terms of my unanswered questions.
In end, Dance is everything to me because it is the only thing that can not be given. I am exposing my outer and inner self to the world. This makes me face my fears and most importantly it makes me see the meaning of life. How? by making me know my self.
“If it is easy, it is not worth it”
In my opinion,this year's presidential election of America is the biggest election in history. It is about change and the American dream coming true. My blog reflects living the dream with conflicts.
***********************************************************************************************
I had come from good parents. I went to good private schools in both high school and college. Big Ups to Coker College! All my life, my parents had given me the world. They did this because they actually followed the role of being a parent and beyond. Most of all, they are giving me support to follow my dreams.
My dream was to be famous with a purpose. I decided long ago to be a part of an international dance company. I went through the audition process with fear in my heart. But I was not going to ask myself one day "What if?"
I did what it took to make my dream come true. I decided to dance in South Africa. I wanted to learn more about African Contemporary dance. I was driven to do this when I was teaching my black students dance in South Carolina. Notice! I said I decided because no one was going to chose my destiny.
When I graduated from college, I took this teaching job in the summer and I was only being paid $500.00 and my rent was $250.00 a month. Also, I was getting paid at the end of the summer. So my parents had supported me financially in food and rent.
At the end of the summer, I had held an African Dance Concert for my black students. My father had come to see it. It was important for him to see it because he was sharing a part of my passion. After the concert, I talked to my Dad and I discussed with him my dream of dancing in South Africa.
Initially I wanted to go to Zimbabwe because I have more family there. However Zimbabwe was going through some things. So I decided my best bet was to head to South Africa. I was driven by my students that I teach because I saw in their eyes how much they strive to know about their ancestor’s culture. It was the same look I had in my eyes at their age. So in order for me to teach them more I had to know more. I had to physically go to live, breath, eat African Contemporary Dance. My dream started as dancing for a international dance company and it had become into dancing international with the purpose of searching for my inner self.
So I had contacted my South African professor and I had asked him to help me. He did everything for me in the dance sense because I only asked him just for that. Also I had worked out my details of where I am going to stay and how I am going to get there. I felt stable going to another country of people who I did not know but I had no idea how hard it was going to be.
I live positively and I try to look for the good in everything. At this moment, I just can not take it some things. I got to South Africa and I had a warm welcome until I moved into my permanent home with X and my reality had come to life. It was impossible to live with X. She degraded everything about me until I could not handle it any more. Here I was away from everything I know because of my purpose of learning more about what I do. X had read my diary and I moved out. Then I lived with Z and I knew this was not permanent but it was a breath of fresh air.
However…the distance to the dance studio was a full hour.
I had to travel by mini taxis to the dance studio. I had to figure out the best route to get me there and I got lost many times. I did get traumatized traveling by taxis but I believe God was watching me. Simply I was a girl traveling to a non familiar place and it was a nightmare. I do not know the language and people do not understand me. I often felt their voice through my body as they kept screaming to me “WHAT?” However, I soon got use to my route and I had better travels.
When I left to Mozambique and I had no idea where I was going to be staying when I get back to Joburg. But I had to just enjoy touring in Mozambique but I still had what is next in my mind. When I got back from Mozambique, I knew I had enough money for food but not for rent.
When I got back Z got an apartment for me but my roommate was going to be a guy. Yea! So I knew that was not happening. So I continued paying 60 rans to travel back and forward to the dance studio. Finally I had found an apartment for 7500 rans and I could not afford it. Obviously it was because I just graduated. So my parents had agreed to pay just for that. I am on my own for the rest.
So why do I have money issues? Just like everything in the world, you have to start from some where. I am in the training development program for the company. The money that I have saved up; it all goes to my extending permit fines.
While I am on my very expensive self discovery, I am on a temporary visiting permit so I will have the opportunity to explore this dancing and find my true roots. Did I mention that my late grandmother’s roots come from South Africa? Well…yea its true. Anyways…the permit is holding for only 3 months and I realized that I need to stay longer. But…I do not know how to do this.
So I just extended it again and it cost a fortunate.
In fact, South Africa is expensive sometimes. Currently, I am a broke 22 years old gal whose parents still support her. I am lucky to be following my dream but I am not living the glamour life.
I do not have money. I do not know the language so I walk around just listening to sounds all day. Then I remember my kids faces and how I want to keep my promise to them. My promise of learning everything about African Contemporary Dance and I will open my own company for them and others to have a positive hobby to do. A hobby that could become a serious career. You see..I always wanted to do something with a purpose and I believe this could be done by starting in the beginning with the kids. Kids should respect their bodies. When they respect their bodies, they will respect themselves and I believe this could be done through dance.
For my parents, I love them so much because they do not have any money. They are just middle class parents with one child in college and the other following a dream. A dream that does not pay much. But…I am gaining so much here. I am gaining my self. The dancing I do has made me connect to my body and I could not describe what a better dancer and person I am.
One day I know I could award my parents for all the hardships they are going through because of me. I love them for continuing to support me because they believe in my dream.
To tell you the truth, I know this situation has to change because I just can’t live like this. I love dance but I can not let it destroy me. Unfortunately, the world is cruel to artist.
Right Now! I am a lucky girl living my dream but this dream has extreme consequences. So I am not living the glamour life. Dear God! I got less than 500 rans in my pocket. Please! God do not think I am going back on my prayer to you about becoming a part of a international dance company. I am just stating that some things must change. I am better than this.
As I talk about dreams coming true, the people I know in South Africa are cheering for Obama. They are just as excited as me. As of right now, the American Society holding a Obama Party in South Africa but I could not attend because I do not travel on taxis this late. One day I will meet the American Society and maybe things will be better for me in terms of my unanswered questions.
In end, Dance is everything to me because it is the only thing that can not be given. I am exposing my outer and inner self to the world. This makes me face my fears and most importantly it makes me see the meaning of life. How? by making me know my self.
“If it is easy, it is not worth it”
Monday, November 3, 2008
DEAR READERS: my mind connects to my body
NOVEMBER 3, 2008
About a year ago, my physical trainer told me” “your about to put your body on display to the whole world.” At the time, I was a driven senior college student trying to loss weight for my final dance show. My physical trainer not only had taught me how to workout but he had taught me how to tap into my feelings. I needed this guidance because I was also preparing my mind and body to audition for dance companies. Who knew that it will be a dance company in South Africa? Honestly, I did not.
You see anyone who knows me. They know I am always on a diet. I put myself on diets because through my life I developed a food fixation. My food fixation developed by me not feeling full. There are many reasons why I feel this way and I just do not need to rekindle those reasons. Let me just say: Thank God! I am an active person or I will be huge as a house. I do know the battle within myself that I always have to control. Well…they say the first step will be to claim it. So I claimed it. Now I ask myself what am I going to do about it?
Well…I guess I should admit some things. I do know this: I have a lot of quiet time to myself lately and my fixation has come back. Simply I have nothing else to do. My fixation could be best explained by eating foods that I know are not good for my body.
You see readers; these are the things that I think about as a dancer. Being a dancer, it consisted of me allowing myself to give my complete being to the audience. Easy said then done. After many years of dancing, you think I will be use to this already.
Well…not really. In order for me to do this, I really have to look myself in the mirror and I have to make a conscious choice to tap into the real me.
At this point, I know you may be sympathizing but I know your wondering. What brought up all this? It was my workshop audition for the Germany tour AT DRILL HALL IN JOBURG CITY.
Pause for the cause...this morning I was there early at the location and I was right in front of the building but I had no idea which room. I walked around while men where hollaring "sissy" to me until I found some obvious dancers. You know men are the same everywhere; they will always try to hollar at the ladies. Ok! I am pressing PLAY. This workshop audition consists of classes for 2 weeks and then they pick 5 dancers to go Germany. After the first week, they are cutting out dancers for the next week’s round of audition. As I took a look around, I realized that I was one of the better in shape girls. It was like all this time I was judging myself too hard.
Now all I am going to concentrate on trusting in myself and I am going to finally not judge myself too hard.
I am doing this more because I did it in the audition workshop today. I started to dance freely because I was not worried about my body image to the world. My trainer was right about tapping into my emotions first before I even start to work out my body.
I miss my trainer so much and I do sometimes hear his harsh voice as I work out now.
My body is on display to the world but I do not need to worry about it to the extreme. My reason for my sanity is because my mind is getting in tune with my body. If my mind is in tune with my body, I will not want to destroy it with unhealthy food. For all you non dancers out there, I advice you take a dance class because the force of looking at yourself in that giant mirror really allows you to be in touch with your whole being. (OK! I know that was not a strong sentence but you get the point)
So, I finally said it all. Obviously, I am not perfect and I am glad you know that now. Frankly, I feel better.
All in all, my day was wonderful. The audition went well and I am looking forward to dancing for the whole week. Also, I am ready to watch the elections tomorrow and I am hoping to get my second opportunity at this bar.
In this blog posting, I brought out a lot of things and I know this will help me with my issues of my fixation.
“BEAUTY IS YOUR ETERNITY GAZING AT YOU THROUGH THE MIRROR”-think about it
About a year ago, my physical trainer told me” “your about to put your body on display to the whole world.” At the time, I was a driven senior college student trying to loss weight for my final dance show. My physical trainer not only had taught me how to workout but he had taught me how to tap into my feelings. I needed this guidance because I was also preparing my mind and body to audition for dance companies. Who knew that it will be a dance company in South Africa? Honestly, I did not.
You see anyone who knows me. They know I am always on a diet. I put myself on diets because through my life I developed a food fixation. My food fixation developed by me not feeling full. There are many reasons why I feel this way and I just do not need to rekindle those reasons. Let me just say: Thank God! I am an active person or I will be huge as a house. I do know the battle within myself that I always have to control. Well…they say the first step will be to claim it. So I claimed it. Now I ask myself what am I going to do about it?
Well…I guess I should admit some things. I do know this: I have a lot of quiet time to myself lately and my fixation has come back. Simply I have nothing else to do. My fixation could be best explained by eating foods that I know are not good for my body.
You see readers; these are the things that I think about as a dancer. Being a dancer, it consisted of me allowing myself to give my complete being to the audience. Easy said then done. After many years of dancing, you think I will be use to this already.
Well…not really. In order for me to do this, I really have to look myself in the mirror and I have to make a conscious choice to tap into the real me.
At this point, I know you may be sympathizing but I know your wondering. What brought up all this? It was my workshop audition for the Germany tour AT DRILL HALL IN JOBURG CITY.
Pause for the cause...this morning I was there early at the location and I was right in front of the building but I had no idea which room. I walked around while men where hollaring "sissy" to me until I found some obvious dancers. You know men are the same everywhere; they will always try to hollar at the ladies. Ok! I am pressing PLAY. This workshop audition consists of classes for 2 weeks and then they pick 5 dancers to go Germany. After the first week, they are cutting out dancers for the next week’s round of audition. As I took a look around, I realized that I was one of the better in shape girls. It was like all this time I was judging myself too hard.
Now all I am going to concentrate on trusting in myself and I am going to finally not judge myself too hard.
I am doing this more because I did it in the audition workshop today. I started to dance freely because I was not worried about my body image to the world. My trainer was right about tapping into my emotions first before I even start to work out my body.
I miss my trainer so much and I do sometimes hear his harsh voice as I work out now.
My body is on display to the world but I do not need to worry about it to the extreme. My reason for my sanity is because my mind is getting in tune with my body. If my mind is in tune with my body, I will not want to destroy it with unhealthy food. For all you non dancers out there, I advice you take a dance class because the force of looking at yourself in that giant mirror really allows you to be in touch with your whole being. (OK! I know that was not a strong sentence but you get the point)
So, I finally said it all. Obviously, I am not perfect and I am glad you know that now. Frankly, I feel better.
All in all, my day was wonderful. The audition went well and I am looking forward to dancing for the whole week. Also, I am ready to watch the elections tomorrow and I am hoping to get my second opportunity at this bar.
In this blog posting, I brought out a lot of things and I know this will help me with my issues of my fixation.
“BEAUTY IS YOUR ETERNITY GAZING AT YOU THROUGH THE MIRROR”-think about it
Sunday, November 2, 2008
DEAR READERS: I AM JUST A SOUTHERN GAL
NOVEMBER 2, 2008
I am BLACK, Zimbabwean, South African, but most of all I am just a southern girl from South Carolina. I lived in Beaufort but I went to high school in a small private school in Ridgeland.
It was there where I grew up. Since the 5th grade I attended that school. I t was only till the 6th grade that I realized my difference from the rest of the class. I was the only BLACK person in the class. I realized it when a classmate of mine called me out of my name. You may imagine what he called me. For I have no reason to mention the name, you just need to picture my feelings at the time.
My feelings of always wanted to be accepted by my peers but never felt I was. Being around my pale friends all the time but judged by the people in my neighborhood. It was a split conflict for me. At the same time I was going through puberty.
It was only my senior year of high school that I felt accepted at my school. To my shock, I won homecoming queen. The first person I hugged was my mother’s late white best friend, Miss Missy. I called this woman my second mother and she had 5 boys at my school that were my brothers. With the bondage of her and my mother and my little brother and her youngest as friends, we are a big family. After Miss Missy passed I wondered if she knew how much it meant to me for her to recognize me as her daughter right in front of everybody. Especially, the people that was unsure of my presence at the school. It may not be a big deal to most but I was the first black to get this honor of Homecoming Queen.
I mention my experience now because I am realizing my high school days still have an affect on me. After four years, I realized it more in South Africa. I realize my content feeling of being a loner. In high school, I always felt like a loner because I felt no one got me. When I got to South Africa, I felt like the same lonely girl in high school.
This time it was not the color of my skin however my southern self. This was funny because I never been told about me having a southern accent. Even if I was raised by Zimbabwean parents; I am southern girl. Where did I become this? my small private school.
I learned to talk with a drag but I talk a little fast. Yea! Nobody understands my accent here. I say yes ma’am and sir out of respect. I always say ya’ll and most of all I am friendly. I am friendly but I use it as a dangerous weapon. I like to have parties by a fire with a small group of friends. I listen to country music because it reminds of everything. I still have my camouflage jacket in my closet. It was given to me by my friend.
As I walk barefoot through my apartment lot, I realize no matter where I go. I am just a southern country girl with big dreams. And this girl used her southern charm to possible get a second position at this bar. Being I only dance certain days, I need something else to consume my mind. Hopefully, it works out. So when the boss of the bar asks me: Can you tell me about yourself? I will answer I am just a southern gal with big dreams.
VOTE FOR OBAMA
I am BLACK, Zimbabwean, South African, but most of all I am just a southern girl from South Carolina. I lived in Beaufort but I went to high school in a small private school in Ridgeland.
It was there where I grew up. Since the 5th grade I attended that school. I t was only till the 6th grade that I realized my difference from the rest of the class. I was the only BLACK person in the class. I realized it when a classmate of mine called me out of my name. You may imagine what he called me. For I have no reason to mention the name, you just need to picture my feelings at the time.
My feelings of always wanted to be accepted by my peers but never felt I was. Being around my pale friends all the time but judged by the people in my neighborhood. It was a split conflict for me. At the same time I was going through puberty.
It was only my senior year of high school that I felt accepted at my school. To my shock, I won homecoming queen. The first person I hugged was my mother’s late white best friend, Miss Missy. I called this woman my second mother and she had 5 boys at my school that were my brothers. With the bondage of her and my mother and my little brother and her youngest as friends, we are a big family. After Miss Missy passed I wondered if she knew how much it meant to me for her to recognize me as her daughter right in front of everybody. Especially, the people that was unsure of my presence at the school. It may not be a big deal to most but I was the first black to get this honor of Homecoming Queen.
I mention my experience now because I am realizing my high school days still have an affect on me. After four years, I realized it more in South Africa. I realize my content feeling of being a loner. In high school, I always felt like a loner because I felt no one got me. When I got to South Africa, I felt like the same lonely girl in high school.
This time it was not the color of my skin however my southern self. This was funny because I never been told about me having a southern accent. Even if I was raised by Zimbabwean parents; I am southern girl. Where did I become this? my small private school.
I learned to talk with a drag but I talk a little fast. Yea! Nobody understands my accent here. I say yes ma’am and sir out of respect. I always say ya’ll and most of all I am friendly. I am friendly but I use it as a dangerous weapon. I like to have parties by a fire with a small group of friends. I listen to country music because it reminds of everything. I still have my camouflage jacket in my closet. It was given to me by my friend.
As I walk barefoot through my apartment lot, I realize no matter where I go. I am just a southern country girl with big dreams. And this girl used her southern charm to possible get a second position at this bar. Being I only dance certain days, I need something else to consume my mind. Hopefully, it works out. So when the boss of the bar asks me: Can you tell me about yourself? I will answer I am just a southern gal with big dreams.
VOTE FOR OBAMA
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