Wednesday, January 19, 2011
thank you for reading !
to my readers: i now have a new blofgs at www.kurongarongalife.blogspot.com and www.mufukaworksdance.blogspot.com. follow me on my life after south africa.
Friday, October 9, 2009
SELF LOVE
09 October 2009
Today, I woke up and I decided to work on the computer today. While I have released myself of my duties for just today of taking dance class and rehearsing the dancers of DTL Entertainment, I am finishing some work on the computer and I found myself reflecting on self.
When it comes down to it, I must have self love to keep going. Some one once told me: "if you do not love self, how do you expect to love God. SO TRUE!
Now I look at myself and I say: "I LOVE YOU"
When I stop depending on other people to love me, I had come into loving myself. I have come into a person of my own right so now I could really LIVE. A new chapter in my life.
MOVING ON.......... In my life, its not all perfect but I am at peace. A sign that I realize of me really growing. I just finished a conversation on the phone with a X-fling and he was with his new girl. The same girl he meant during our fling. Well that is the title that I choose because we never had a fitting title.
Its funny me and him are friends now. REALLY FRIENDS.
We both realize that we have twisted minds so we get along on the level. He really has become a good friend to me. Our friendship is all title mixed up friends, sibling vibe, and worse enemies. But its friends AND HE REALLY CAN NOT HANDLE HOW I AM RIGHT NOW....I AM WALKING THIS WORLD IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT.....I REALIZED: HIS NOT MY HUSBAND, GOD STILL PREPAIRING THAT LUCKY GUY FOR ME.
So, what else?
My dancing, I laugh at God now because I really got out of shape. when I had stop dancing for 4 months, he now has giving me an opportunity to dance for DIKA / MOKAYDF @ 19:45. OCTOBER 30, 2009. TICKET PRICE $50. I KNOW CHEAP PLUG.
I am ready now. guess what? I'm playing in a love triangle and the raped girl. of course, i will get the emotional role. I CANT WAIT...:) So, what else?I am SKINNIER NOW. thats God. I did not even do anything.
So, what else?
I LIVE IN SOWETO.Soweto is so big, I live in Klipspruit. Its a relax place and its in the hood. I just mind my business and the people are like family to me.
So, what else?Just dedicating my day to finding sponsors for DTL Entertainment and also looking for fresh new dancers.
AUDITION WEEK: STARTING OCTOBER 12 @ SABC 1:00-4:30PM. TELEVISION SIDE ENTRANCE 7. I KNOW CHEAP PLUG. got to be on the grind people
A passage from my "Ma" in Soweto:
She said: "Let me tell you about the Wash Tower"
Today as I was reflecting on self, "Ma" was working outside. As she was working, The Wash Tower people had come and she chased them away.
Wash Tower - An English Church
They once came to her house before she invited them in. They said: "We want to teach you about the Bible" So, they talked about the Bible to "Ma." She said: "she knows the Bible but she wants to know more." After some time, they just stopped coming with no reason why they left.
They passed her house with no greeting and they did not come at all. Until now, they had come to her house again.
Now, she has chased them away. She does not hate them but she dislikes their ways. "Ma" did study their perception of the Bible and she did not agree with some of their ways.
She said: "We all pray to one God" This does not give the right for anyone to try to get some one of abandoning their personal traditions. the Wash Tower have adopted english people religion and they deny their traditions. For example, the black people tradition in South Africa is when your father dies: you must go to their grave.
Wash Tower believes you can not community with the dead because they are dead. They add: "your traditions are not right and you must come to the rightful beliefs of our church."
"WE ALL PRAY TO ONE GOD"
GOD BLESS AND READ MORE
Today, I woke up and I decided to work on the computer today. While I have released myself of my duties for just today of taking dance class and rehearsing the dancers of DTL Entertainment, I am finishing some work on the computer and I found myself reflecting on self.
When it comes down to it, I must have self love to keep going. Some one once told me: "if you do not love self, how do you expect to love God. SO TRUE!
Now I look at myself and I say: "I LOVE YOU"
When I stop depending on other people to love me, I had come into loving myself. I have come into a person of my own right so now I could really LIVE. A new chapter in my life.
MOVING ON.......... In my life, its not all perfect but I am at peace. A sign that I realize of me really growing. I just finished a conversation on the phone with a X-fling and he was with his new girl. The same girl he meant during our fling. Well that is the title that I choose because we never had a fitting title.
Its funny me and him are friends now. REALLY FRIENDS.
We both realize that we have twisted minds so we get along on the level. He really has become a good friend to me. Our friendship is all title mixed up friends, sibling vibe, and worse enemies. But its friends AND HE REALLY CAN NOT HANDLE HOW I AM RIGHT NOW....I AM WALKING THIS WORLD IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT.....I REALIZED: HIS NOT MY HUSBAND, GOD STILL PREPAIRING THAT LUCKY GUY FOR ME.
So, what else?
My dancing, I laugh at God now because I really got out of shape. when I had stop dancing for 4 months, he now has giving me an opportunity to dance for DIKA / MOKAYDF @ 19:45. OCTOBER 30, 2009. TICKET PRICE $50. I KNOW CHEAP PLUG.
I am ready now. guess what? I'm playing in a love triangle and the raped girl. of course, i will get the emotional role. I CANT WAIT...:) So, what else?I am SKINNIER NOW. thats God. I did not even do anything.
So, what else?
I LIVE IN SOWETO.Soweto is so big, I live in Klipspruit. Its a relax place and its in the hood. I just mind my business and the people are like family to me.
So, what else?Just dedicating my day to finding sponsors for DTL Entertainment and also looking for fresh new dancers.
AUDITION WEEK: STARTING OCTOBER 12 @ SABC 1:00-4:30PM. TELEVISION SIDE ENTRANCE 7. I KNOW CHEAP PLUG. got to be on the grind people
A passage from my "Ma" in Soweto:
She said: "Let me tell you about the Wash Tower"
Today as I was reflecting on self, "Ma" was working outside. As she was working, The Wash Tower people had come and she chased them away.
Wash Tower - An English Church
They once came to her house before she invited them in. They said: "We want to teach you about the Bible" So, they talked about the Bible to "Ma." She said: "she knows the Bible but she wants to know more." After some time, they just stopped coming with no reason why they left.
They passed her house with no greeting and they did not come at all. Until now, they had come to her house again.
Now, she has chased them away. She does not hate them but she dislikes their ways. "Ma" did study their perception of the Bible and she did not agree with some of their ways.
She said: "We all pray to one God" This does not give the right for anyone to try to get some one of abandoning their personal traditions. the Wash Tower have adopted english people religion and they deny their traditions. For example, the black people tradition in South Africa is when your father dies: you must go to their grave.
Wash Tower believes you can not community with the dead because they are dead. They add: "your traditions are not right and you must come to the rightful beliefs of our church."
"WE ALL PRAY TO ONE GOD"
GOD BLESS AND READ MORE
Thursday, October 8, 2009
SHE SAID: YOU MUST BE CAREFUL
3 OCTOBER 2009
At this moment, I am sitting in a taxi. Riding in a taxi, the other South Africans think that your not successful. I do not mind. In fact, I do not mind riding taxis because they take me places in a fast matter. If I had a car, I will not have any clue of how to get anywhere.
ANYWAYS I am meant for something bigger than myself. This next entry will be hard for me to write because I do not know where to start. When in doubt, you must start from the beginning. My father told me once.
So here it is:
As August ended, I moved out of my apartment. For a year, I stayed in that apartment and I grew up into a woman there. Instead of leaving on a good note, I left in a panic. You see, my landowner was charging me R7500 ($1000.00) monthly rent. She over charged me because I did not know any better. Well, I found out about the overcharge but it was nothing to be done. So I stayed and I moved out year end.
"Money is the root of all evil."
As I am moving out, she had given a comment that I kept the place nice. Just like she said when she measured her table during my stay there. All I needed to do was get professional cleaning for the carpet and couches. I never received a writing notice of noise level or anything.
In her brand new car, she had come to my work and picked up the keys for the apartment. I had ended a chapter in my life.
NOT
I just walked into another chapter with that apartment. A week later, she sent an email claiming demage changes of about R10,000. Telling my parents in USA, I also had noise compliments like my parents had enough to deal with. I am glad that my parents know me well enough.
She said:"you must be careful"
So I just transferred taxis to town, Joburg. I was coming from Soweto. In Soweto, I meant this woman that I live with because my friend took me in her home. This woman is her mother. In my mother's absence, this woman has openned her heart to me and has taking me as her own daughter.
She told me her story: from her experiences, she has learned not to trust a man. You must wait until your sure. On the street that she lives, she has witnessed many deaths of young mothers and fathers. The cause has been AIDS.
PAUSE
To my INTERNATINAL friends AIDS is not only in Africa. This is a problem everywhere. So i am not writing another poor Africans AIDS story. I am writing reality. The reality has been people really think that AIDS could not happen to them. It could happen to anybody even girls like me especially girls like me. What is a girl like me? A girl that has seem to have everything her whole life but her purpose is to fight for her identity.
TRUTH: the men who hold AIDS are those ones who wear the nice suits and ride the fancy cars.
They say: I love you and they hold the sickness. I guess they believe of holding the world because of their money. They think of being invisable. Se said: You must be careful. I choose now to wait for marriage. For I am meant for something bigger.
SHE SAID: "GOD HAS GIVEN EVERYONE SENSE."If you do not use God's sense, your education is nothing. God has given you the hands to work. the people on my street, I am so proud of them of using God's sense and their two hands. When some believed, we were going to live in shacks for the rest of our lives. We built houses. In the past, Joburg was called the city of Gold under white people's leadership. The city was worth alot but they did not give the black people anything.
Nevertheless black people, remained clean in their skin becuase they did not loose HOPE. If you went into a black person's shack, you will be surprise of the cleaness. "BLACK PEOPLE ARE PROUD" (just quoting people, no offence)
She said: YOU MUST BE CAREFUL.
At the moment, I have no money to my name but I am rich. I am rich of confidence of believing in myself. I know one day with my educaiton, two hands, and God's sense. I will become what God planned for me.
SHE SAID: "You must be careful"
and I listened......
At this moment, I am sitting in a taxi. Riding in a taxi, the other South Africans think that your not successful. I do not mind. In fact, I do not mind riding taxis because they take me places in a fast matter. If I had a car, I will not have any clue of how to get anywhere.
ANYWAYS I am meant for something bigger than myself. This next entry will be hard for me to write because I do not know where to start. When in doubt, you must start from the beginning. My father told me once.
So here it is:
As August ended, I moved out of my apartment. For a year, I stayed in that apartment and I grew up into a woman there. Instead of leaving on a good note, I left in a panic. You see, my landowner was charging me R7500 ($1000.00) monthly rent. She over charged me because I did not know any better. Well, I found out about the overcharge but it was nothing to be done. So I stayed and I moved out year end.
"Money is the root of all evil."
As I am moving out, she had given a comment that I kept the place nice. Just like she said when she measured her table during my stay there. All I needed to do was get professional cleaning for the carpet and couches. I never received a writing notice of noise level or anything.
In her brand new car, she had come to my work and picked up the keys for the apartment. I had ended a chapter in my life.
NOT
I just walked into another chapter with that apartment. A week later, she sent an email claiming demage changes of about R10,000. Telling my parents in USA, I also had noise compliments like my parents had enough to deal with. I am glad that my parents know me well enough.
She said:"you must be careful"
So I just transferred taxis to town, Joburg. I was coming from Soweto. In Soweto, I meant this woman that I live with because my friend took me in her home. This woman is her mother. In my mother's absence, this woman has openned her heart to me and has taking me as her own daughter.
She told me her story: from her experiences, she has learned not to trust a man. You must wait until your sure. On the street that she lives, she has witnessed many deaths of young mothers and fathers. The cause has been AIDS.
PAUSE
To my INTERNATINAL friends AIDS is not only in Africa. This is a problem everywhere. So i am not writing another poor Africans AIDS story. I am writing reality. The reality has been people really think that AIDS could not happen to them. It could happen to anybody even girls like me especially girls like me. What is a girl like me? A girl that has seem to have everything her whole life but her purpose is to fight for her identity.
TRUTH: the men who hold AIDS are those ones who wear the nice suits and ride the fancy cars.
They say: I love you and they hold the sickness. I guess they believe of holding the world because of their money. They think of being invisable. Se said: You must be careful. I choose now to wait for marriage. For I am meant for something bigger.
SHE SAID: "GOD HAS GIVEN EVERYONE SENSE."If you do not use God's sense, your education is nothing. God has given you the hands to work. the people on my street, I am so proud of them of using God's sense and their two hands. When some believed, we were going to live in shacks for the rest of our lives. We built houses. In the past, Joburg was called the city of Gold under white people's leadership. The city was worth alot but they did not give the black people anything.
Nevertheless black people, remained clean in their skin becuase they did not loose HOPE. If you went into a black person's shack, you will be surprise of the cleaness. "BLACK PEOPLE ARE PROUD" (just quoting people, no offence)
She said: YOU MUST BE CAREFUL.
At the moment, I have no money to my name but I am rich. I am rich of confidence of believing in myself. I know one day with my educaiton, two hands, and God's sense. I will become what God planned for me.
SHE SAID: "You must be careful"
and I listened......
IM BACK WRITING
Tuesday September 29, 2009 I have been in South Africa for a year and a month. I have falling in love, DANCED, depressed, DANCED, dance, DANCED, found God, DANCED, got SAVED, DANCED, taught dance, DANCED, gained weight, DANCED, had sleepless nights, DANCED, got played, DANCED, build a idea for my company, DANCED, workout, DANCED, partied too much, DANCED, felt guilt, DANCED, physical connection, DANCED, lied, DANCED, truth, DANCED,worked at a bar, DANCED, CRIED A LOT, DANCED, felt the LOSS OF FAMILY (being far away from them and wondering if they know I love them ), DANCED, FOUND TRUE LOVE WITH IN MYSELF, DANCED. In the mix of all that, I stop dancing for 4 months in between and it killed me (ya! I gained a lot weight and the biggest I have ever been). I know the only thing that kept me alive. I stopped for a minute but I found out my purpose surrounds DANCE. So there is the TRUTH, my journey in South Africa. Even when I went through the hardships, I had always had dance and the kids in Alexander townships, the professional dancers at DTL Entertainment, and my dance mentor Gustin Makgeledisa of Taelo Dance Theatre, help me find that I will always be a dancer. On September 13, 2009, I got saved and I never looked back. The month before that I read my Bible and I cleansed myself. When that day came I went to the alter and I left my sins behind. Yes! I do not party anymore and everything that went with it. I had become a woman of GOD. So the journey that I started on August 2008. I realized that now. My GOD was preparing me for something bigger than myself. FACT: MY FATHER IS ZIMBABWE SO I AM ZIMBABWEAN. So, What is my destiny? I don’t know destiny is a mystery. What I do know is that I was not placed here for no reason. As I am about to leave SA, I got offered a job position with DTL Entertainment in SA. As a dance instructor, rehearsal director, brand manager, brand manager, and assistant. You see, when you have faith. He deliverers. So now, I have to follow that path. At the moment, I am getting my spirit back. The enemy has tried to break it. So here I am. I hope yall understand: my whole life has prepared me for upcoming. “Dance and be a positive role model” “It disappointed me that me and him ended that way, I REALIZE IT WAS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.” “I AM MEANT FOR SOMETHING BIGGER THAN MYSELF”
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
DEAR MY BEST FRIEND
For years, we watched Sarafina and we both agreed to it being our favorite movie. However after all these years of watching that movie, I finally really got it. It was on the other night on DSTV (South African satellete television) and I really cried the whole movie. Even if I did tear up before, I really cried this time. Simply, I knew where Parktown was now. I felt how she felt visiting her mother in the suburbs working as a maid while they lived in the townships. I knew the looks that the people were given by the other race like they are nothing. Most of all, I felt the result to prayer because they are just tried of everything and they just hoping for their day to come. I FELT THAT BECAUSE I AM HERE IN SOUTH AFRICA NEARLY 14 YEARS LATER. Even if it has been settled through government, its still new of togetherness and people are really trying. There are people coming together but they are some people who just could never forget on both sides. Oh! best friend...you know my heart better than anyone and you know i operate on it always. To tell the truth, I believe my work in dance could contribute on bring togetherness by just simply raising the question. I went through racism in the states and now I am here. I know that I could not ever escape it. But it has been such a vital part in my life, I could at least try to give the chance of people having awareness to it. With an awareness, it gives room for change. To my best friend, I know that I could not change the entire world but I will try to change 3/4 of it. Thank you for still pushing me to my ultimate being!
Monday, July 6, 2009
DEAR DADDY:
As the month of June passed, I remember you because June was your month. In the same month of June, it’s your birthday and father’s day. I did call you on father’s day and I was so excited to hear your voice that I did not say Happy Birthday. But I did remember your birthday but unfortunately I had no airtime on my phone. So I decided to tell you how much I love you all in one phone call. By the way, AIRTIME has happened to mean MINUTES in South Africa.
Oh daddy! Could you believe that it has been a year since I left the states? Being in South Africa, I have learned so much. Even that I am going through ups and downs here, I am so happy to be here. The one thing that drove me to stick it out was your words a year ago.
We were in Greenwood, South Carolina at the lake. You said to both my brother and I: “One day that we should surpass you in achievements in life because that was how the world will grow.” I believed that I have done just that. With your spirit of dreaming in me, I went to see for myself what was out there.
I could not express in words what I have seen and felt here. As my year in South Africa goes by, I do wonder if it has happened to be my time to go or if I am just beginning the journey. What ever I decide, I know you will be behind me.
I know this because you’re the best dad in the world because you dealt with me all these years. It was your life experiences that raised me into the best woman that I could be. Now I completely have an understanding of the way you raised me. I believe that I could accomplish anything.
You have let me go out into world, I hope you know that I am searching for something that I could not even tell you what myself. But thank you for just being there for me.
I hope you know that I am not away from family but I have placed myself in the biggest challenge of my life to find my inner self on my own. With this said, I do miss you dearly. All your jokes, quotes, laugh, and even you cutting the grass with that big tractor…..
Daddy! I felt it in my heart that after a year things are coming together here in South Africa. And even if I am stepping into womanhood, I am still your little girl and no one could take that away.
Monday, May 11, 2009
DEAR MOM
I am 23 years old now that means 23 years ago. You had me. Everyone has expressed that you spit me out. I believed their reference was saying: “I look like you.” WELL! I do not know if they meant of me being your exact twin. But I do know that I have your eyes. I have your eyes that have the ability to look at the world with no limits. Truthfully I had always believed that I do not deserve them. Having your eyes meant to me that I am your reflection and that has always scared me. One of my greatest fears was I will never live up to your expectations. Then I realized that you never judged me. You just have a need for me to be happy.
But Mom, you must know why I feel that way. All my life, I have watched you work so hard for Howard and I. So we could have a better life. In result to you, I had always wanted to give back to you by being my best self. At the moment, I am in South Africa. I had a need to prove to myself of making my dreams possible. I did. I am a professional dancer and better yet an international one. I am working in advertising. On top of that, I have pushed myself to be my ultimate being of living in my culture and making it on my own.
However after 23 years, I still you more than ever. I have a love/hate relationship with South Africa. After I had gotten out of my depression of financial issues, I had really opened my eyes to the purpose of me coming here. While in deep thought, I believe my whole life prepared me for South Africa. Remember all those dance classes to filling different than everyone else in high school. To College, I met Natty and Dr. Carter both residents in South Africa. To the family, that had all made me have an urge to learn about culture. With all of those experiences, I realized early on that I had to find my destiny because the power has always been within me.
Now, I thank you for being my mother. For all your hard work, strong being your ability to make me love myself, your education, beauty, your example of hope for true love, your heart, your understanding, your cooking, your laugh, and of course your eyes.
With your eyes of seeing no limits, I ask you to be mother even more in my old age and help me choose my next step in life. In my adulthood, I feel that I need your more than ever.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO THE GREATEST MOTHER ON EARTH
“DREAMS COME TRUE”
“EVERYTHING ALWAYS WORKS OUT FOR ELSIE”
But Mom, you must know why I feel that way. All my life, I have watched you work so hard for Howard and I. So we could have a better life. In result to you, I had always wanted to give back to you by being my best self. At the moment, I am in South Africa. I had a need to prove to myself of making my dreams possible. I did. I am a professional dancer and better yet an international one. I am working in advertising. On top of that, I have pushed myself to be my ultimate being of living in my culture and making it on my own.
However after 23 years, I still you more than ever. I have a love/hate relationship with South Africa. After I had gotten out of my depression of financial issues, I had really opened my eyes to the purpose of me coming here. While in deep thought, I believe my whole life prepared me for South Africa. Remember all those dance classes to filling different than everyone else in high school. To College, I met Natty and Dr. Carter both residents in South Africa. To the family, that had all made me have an urge to learn about culture. With all of those experiences, I realized early on that I had to find my destiny because the power has always been within me.
Now, I thank you for being my mother. For all your hard work, strong being your ability to make me love myself, your education, beauty, your example of hope for true love, your heart, your understanding, your cooking, your laugh, and of course your eyes.
With your eyes of seeing no limits, I ask you to be mother even more in my old age and help me choose my next step in life. In my adulthood, I feel that I need your more than ever.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO THE GREATEST MOTHER ON EARTH
“DREAMS COME TRUE”
“EVERYTHING ALWAYS WORKS OUT FOR ELSIE”
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